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Fixing my life, thanks to you

Fixing my life, thanks to you

The end of August was kind of a nightmare for me, and you all probably know that by now. When I wrote about my sadness and guilt, I was really down. My wife was hurt, and it was all my fault. I didn’t know what to do, it was really a horrible moment.

But that article was of huge help, especially because of all the wise and nice words I got from many of you. Some wrote to me on Twitter, some added comments here… and it was really what I needed. I will never thank you all guys enough for helping me! Reading other people’s opinions on the situation helped me put things in perspective, sit down, pull myself together, and Do something about it.

If there is something I’m good at, it’s adjusting my behavior when things are going in the wrong direction. I did the same when I found my balance on spendings, and I did the same this time. Or, better said, I’m doing it. My wife comes first, always. Her needs have to be my main concern and, although I will never stop financial domination, I need to adjust the way I am for her to be happier.

I won’t get into many details (but my guess is that you can understand what I am “fixing”), but let’s say that the last three weeks had been great between us, and I couldn’t be happier.

Does it mean I started having financial domination sessions again? Yes, but that’s another story…

Feeling guilty and sad

Feeling guilty and sad

It happened. I always thought my findom addiction was under control and was not interfering with my private life…but I was wrong. And not because of my spendings, those are actually totally under control (remember how I found my balance?), but because of my…wanking habit. Or at least that’s what I think this is, perhaps it’s deeper I don’t know.

I Love Her

First of all, I love my wife with all my heart. She is always my first thought about anything that I do, and I would never do anything to harm her. In all these years I made sure I protected my marriage from all the dangers of Financial Domination. That’s why I managed to find a balance on my spendings, and that’s why I never risked getting caught. If there is a slight risk, I just don’t even go online. She is my main priority.

My failure

But there is one thing that seems to be affecting us: my lack of sexual drive. Recently, we just don’t have sex enough. It’s about once a month, sometimes even less…and it’s not because she’s not beautiful, because she is. It’s probably because she doesn’t represent what my sexual fantasies are always about, she doesn’t even come close to what I need to get excited…and that’s starting to be an issue.

Two nights ago we spent an hour talking about this (well, talking…arguing I should say). She ended up crying, thinking this is all her fault. That I don’t like her anymore and stuff like that. We ended up cuddling and having sex …but since then I feel guilty. Extremely guilty. The one thing I never wanted to happen, it’s happening. I’m hurting her. And it’s all because I probably spend too much time fantasizing on Financial Domination goddesses and stuff like that.

Is there a solution?

How can I solve this? I don’t know. The only solution I see seems impossible: many times I tried, and always failed to quit money slavery. This is who I am, this is an important part of myself, and I can’t be happy without it.
All I’m doing these days is giving more and more attention to her needs, always been there for her (even more than before), and of course, having sex more often but… how long this will last? How long till I will stop feeling guilty, and just get back as I was before?

I have no answers at the moment. I’m just sad.

My Need To Be In Touch With Goddess Ishtar

My Need To Be In Touch With Goddess Ishtar

It’s no secret that Goddess Ishtar has strong power on me, a power with which She made me overtake the highest fear I had: the one for a real-time session (remember? I spoke about it here). 

I have been serving Her for ages now, and my weakness for Her only grew stronger and stronger. No day passes by without me thinking about Her, looking at Her Twitter, dreaming about my next session with Her. 

And I can never get enough. 

It’s not enough to have a session with Her every time I can. 

Not enough to look at Her Twitter more than once during the day.

And even less enough to buy all Her iWantClips videos.

I need more and more. 

Click here and be Goddess Ishtar's moneyslave

That’s why I was super happy when I saw She opened her personal AVNStars page, a few days ago. 

I joined that the very first day She opened it, and it’s getting better and better as days pass by. Her postsvideos, and pictures are inspiring (to say the least), it’s something more intimate than her Twitter. I feel like I’m closer in touch with Her. She also started to offer short sessions for all Her fans, and believe me it’s fantastic to be all there at Her feet at the same time, showing Her our devotion. 

Do I look desperate? Yeah, maybe I do. But I don’t care. I just want to be more and more in touch with Her. I just want to feel Her power over me as often as possible. And whatever way I can do that, I will. If she will give us, slaves, other ways to follow Her, believe me, I will. And I will be happy to do so. 

Here are all the ways I use to be in touch with Goddess Ishtar
🔗 Live Cam
🔗 AVNStars
🔗 Skype
🔗 iWantClips
🔗 Twitter

The Findom Cycle

The Findom Cycle

I have been a moneyslave for more than 10 years now, and sometimes I like to sit back and take a look at my actions from an “external” point of view: it’s interesting to find common paths that happen over and over the years, some common sequence of events that characterize me as a moneyslave. 

There is one in particular that I can see repeating itself over and over, almost daily in some periods, it’s the one I like to call: The Findom Cycle.

It’s for sure nothing that anyone into financial domination for a while doesn’t know about yet, but perhaps it will be interesting to describe its phases to those that still didn’t notice it.

1 – The Caution

Every moneyslave starts by trying to be cautious: we always believe we can hold back, we can control ourselves. So we kinda look at our Goddess (or more than one) from a distance, taking brief looks at their pictures, briefly reading their messages on Twitter, but always ending up with a reason to don’t spend. With a reason why we should just look away and get on with our life. How long this work for changes from slave to slave and, more important, from period to period. There are certain periods of my life where I can be cautious for a few days only before going to the next phase, other times I can stay longer. It all depends on many different things: from the situation in my real life, till how satisfactory (and expensive) was my last session and yes, also the kind of “signals” I get from Goddesses (for a clear example, read my article about how “Variety triggers me“.

As time goes by though, we all start to feel the urge of a session, of a tribute. That little voice in our head saying “come on, why not? Isn’t it what you really want to be happy?”. Perhaps we try to fight this little voice for a while…but soon enough the next phase happens. 

Click here and be Goddess Ishtar's moneyslave

2 – The Enjoyment

That’s it. Enough being cautious. Enough holding back. We embrace our nature, we need to do what we desire the most. Looking at our Goddess (or at Goddesses) has a different meaning now, we NEED a session, we NEED a small thing that “ticks” our desire, that makes us do that final step, that makes us embrace what we are and makes us crawl at a Goddess to beg for a session. It can be a twit, a picture, something she says, a particular moment of our life…we are basically only looking for a pretext. For a reason to send a tribute or have a session. And when that happens, we fully enjoy our fetish. We are money slaves and, at that moment, we are totally happy with our nature. The session happens, the drain happens, our happiness starts from now and lasts till the session… or even a bit more actually. 

3 – The Day After

And then there is the day after. What happens after a drain session? How do we feel when we cool down? How do we feel thinking back at what we did? Well, it depends. We don’t all react the same way, and we don’t react each time the same way. But I can bet that most of the time, we regret what we did. We regret the big-spending, the big weakness, the uncontrollable desire to send money. It’s what we love, it’s what made us happy during the session but… then there are real-life consequences. Could I have spent that money in a better way? Could have I saved them for later? Why did I have to spend them all in such a short time? 

Anyway, the last phase usually doesn’t last long. Unless we are in one of those life moments for a money slave when we say “ok fuck it, I need to stop all this forever”, the regret doesn’t last more than a day or two. After that, usually, the first phase comes back… in the never-ending Findom Cycle.

Money is meant to be spent, don’t hold back

Money is meant to be spent, don’t hold back

Money is meant to be spent. Don't hold back in Financial Domination

Everything about Financial Domination starts (and ends) with money. This is quite an obvious fact: we get excited when we pay the Domme, when she takes money from us or when she abuses our weaknesses to bring us in giving her more and more. The dilemma is always the same: how much should we spend?

Giving her everything

In a perfect financial domination relationship, the slave gives everything to his Goddess, leaving her all the control on what he can or cannot spend. If he can eat, if he can buy some clothes. Everything. But this is very rare, not many of us can commit to such a life. 

Click here and be Goddess Ishtar's moneyslave

Giving only what’s left

The opposite way is the safest one: you define a budget you are willing to spend and stick to it. With no exceptions. That way, you can perfectly live your financial domination relationship while still living a normal life. More often than not this starts as a good idea, and soon enough we fail to apply it. The urge to spend is too high, our self control too low. Moreover, this is also not exciting: the danger to spend too much is part of what we find exciting, let’s don’t deny it.

Always spend more than you planned

FeetGoddess perfect ass in pantyhose

It may look too risky perhaps, but this is probably the best way to live Financial Domination. Try to plan your expenses but…don’t hold back. If giving to your Goddess makes you feel good, by all means, go for it. There are people who spend thousands of euros on vacations, others spend it on sports cars, on clothes, shoes…so why can’t we spend a lot on what makes us feel better? Are there some risks in this? Sure there are, the same risks people take when they buy a new car which is far from a safe budget. But they still do. Because money is meant to be spent on things that make us feel good. Never hold back, go for it and you won’t have regrets.

And you? How do you live your financial domination?