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Four years ago on this day…

Four years ago on this day…

Time surely goes fast. It seems yesterday that i’ve started this blog…instead it is four years now. And exactly four years ago i was writing my very first post.

It’s late at night…the usual time when my “slave needs” raise up..when my wife is asleep and the temptation to do something exciting is high. And this is where it will all begin: this blog.

Same old story. This will happen more and more after that day…and, as usual, i was also hoping to don’t do anything wrong…

“i won’t visit any of the gorgeous Mistresses there. I will just write this article and go to bed”

Yeah right…i bet… four years passed, and i still have to succeed on that. And then, at the end of the article, the sentence that really shows me how big my failure had been so far:

“the amount of money i will spend this year…that i hope will be less, much much less than last year… i would say a maximum of 500$ for the entire year

I will end up that month spending 200$…and that year spending a total of 9.000$. The rest is history…and in 2013 alone i’ve spent 22.000$ as shown here.

If there is any resolution i think i can try to keep…is the one i made to my angel (remember her?) just last night: i will try to post more this year, i will force myself to do so. Let’s say…a minimum of three articles a month. That’s a goal i can achieve…i hope.

Thinking about… real life

Thinking about… real life

tacchi01It doesn’t stop…that’s a fact. I am spending more than last year and surely i am not slowing down… perhaps…this is just what i want…and i should really stop fighting this… what’s the point in fighting who i am?

Actually… recently i find myself thinking more and more about… real life sessions… about a Mistress (well, i can say Her name… Miss Olivia) tempting me in a public place, using my fetishes to make me weak…and then.. using me to go shopping… maybe shop about shoes… and modeling them in front of me… yes.. i am thinking about this more and more… and i find it really exciting.

But i do know one thing: that’s something i can’t afford. A real life session is going to cost WAY more than a videochat…and i can’t, can’t, can’t really afford that…at the moment…

Back and confused

Back and confused

Yes tonight i came back online and ended up visiting a Mistress on videochat. Now i’m confused. I don’t even know what i’m writing about… all i know is that in the last 40 minutes i went from being happy, to sad, to angry to..confused as i am.

Spent a lot? no. Felt Her power? Yes.

But anyway…is it so difficult to understand that i’m not exclusive? I’m a slave that lives on emotions, because they are the reason i spend… and emotions can come from different Mistresses… is it that difficult to understand? Why someone would be mad about it? And why this should cause me problems?

I don’t know. I am just confused…only thing i know for sure is that danger excites me, especially if it’s a beautiful and intelligent danger.

That’s all for tonight… probably no one will understand what i wrote…but in the end…a blog is personal….and even this one is personal. I write about what i feel, about whom i feel… and no one should even dream of telling me what to write or should try to influence my life because of what i write here.

New Year, new questions

New Year, new questions

It probably all started when i met Miss Olivia. Among other things, she really can enter your brain and well… explore it ar her will. And that’s what she did and she keeps doing. But doing so…she’s making me think a lot, really a lot.

Am i really a moneyslave? Or am i just attracted by something else? And if that’s the case…what’s this “something else”? Seduction power? Beauty? Or just a pair of feet in stockings or pantyhose?

How far would i go in a real life session, in presence of a Goddess? Would i be excited, scared or…pissed off? Would i be able to fully let myself go or…my real life situation and position would make me ignore my weaknesses?

And most of all… where is this blog going? Why did i really start it? Is it still useful to my cause? Or is my cause actually changing? And if so… how is it changing?

Shit…i’m really a mess tonight…let’s update the current status… that makes sense…i guess.

Miss Olivia: should i really run away?

Miss Olivia: should i really run away?

One year has passed since i’ve started this blog. As the name suggests, i was and still am (i think) trying to run away from my financial slavery addiction: too much money spent, too much risk to spend even more. I had to stop.

But after a year of failure, as i ended up spending even more, i think i met the one Mistress that really made me think, for the first time, if this decision to run away is what i really want.

Could it be that i just want to…take a break? Let this bad financial moment in my life pass, and then start again as before? Why should i deny what i am? Why should i deny what really excites me?

I met Miss Olivia online a few days ago, one of those nights when my need to be dominated is higher than my desire to run away from that. Of course she immediatly shocked my for her bauty, but what really made me think a lot in the following days is how that videochat went.

We had a long, interesting, facinating, surprising conversation. It was like she could read my mind, my emotions, my thoughts as no one before. At one point she asked me “Are you sure you want to run away?”. I didn’t answer to that question, i didn’t have an answer. At least not a complete honest answer. And i still don’t.

Her intelligence is beyond anything you can imagine to meet, especially online in a videochat. You can feel how her mind is superior than yours, and one thing that you notice immediatly is that it’s not easy to be accepted as her slave.

She doesn’t take anyone. First she wants to understand the way you are, what you are really looking for, what are your desires. And after that…she is the one deciding if you are worth her attention or not. In my case… all we did was talk, even in a nice way…but at the end of that chat… i just couldn’t stop thinking about her. More than any other Mistress i met before. She is into my brain, and there is no way i can let her go now. And i believe this is because she KNOWS i could be really and deeply submitted only by words, only by a beautiful woman that would use words in a perfect way.

So i’m here today asking myself: how can i run away from Miss Oliva? Is that what i really want? Will i be able to stay away from her for long?

It has been a long year, mostly spent (literally) with the three Mistresses that brought me into all this mess (OneGreatDiva and MsClassy)…but now that a new year starts…it seems that another one, Miss Olivia, will put a stop on all my intentions to run away.

I am confused tonight…especially because i am writing these things and i don’t feel, inside my brain, the usual voice saying “this is wrong, you need to run away”. The only voice i hear into my brain is Miss Olivia’s, and she’s saying:

Are you sure you want to run away from me?

Dreaming of Her…

Dreaming of Her…

I had a horrible day today…and tomorrow at work it will be even worst… so i’m just sitting here, in front of the computer, feeling sort of sad…depressed…

And the weird thing is that… deep inside…i know that only her power would make me feel better…only letting her dominate me with her beauty would make me feel good again… and i do need that… but…she’s not around…and that makes me feel even worst….

As days pass by…i realise that i won’t be able to do what i’ve promised myself starting this blog: i won’t stop serving Her and the other Mistresses…because this is who i am, this is where i find pleasure…

Total failure

Total failure

Ok, it’s not going well at all. I’ve started this blog hoping that i would have been able to win this fight, hoping that i would have been able to resist the temptation…

Well it seems i can’t. I’ve already spent 8 thousand dollars so far this year, and it doesn’t look that i’m going to stop.

The thing is… these women know how to make me weak. They know it well and they do it also because…they probably know better than me that this is what i really want.

It’s exciting to let their beauty and teasing take advantage of me… it’s exciting and dangerous.

Let’s face it: i’m addicted to slavery

Let’s face it: i’m addicted to slavery

Why should i keep denying this?

My problem it’s not having gorgeous and powerful women (like Diva)  using my fetishes to control and ruin me… my problem is that i’m addicted to slavery.

Whenever i’m online and i don’t see any of the two Queens that are ruining me….i just go and look for other Queens (in the places i’ve actually listed here on the right), in the hope to find someone else as powerful and gorgeous as they are.

Usually i don’t find anyone as great as them (actually i never did, otherwise you would hear about it in this blog), but still…i keep spending money looking for…someone else who can rape my wallet as well as they do.

I’m addicted to slavery, let’s face it.