In fact i saw she has sort of a “fan club” where she puts lots and lots of photos and videos recorded during her live sessions.
I immediatly joined that fan club and i’m now trying to use those videos when i feel the total need to see her.
… could this be helpful? I don’t know, i’ll see what happens next time i see her logged on messenger…
I thought i was safe… i thought blocking her on Yahoo was enough… but it’s always like this… i block her on Yahoo and then, after a couple of months, i start feeling the NEED to feel her power on me… the NEED to see her contacting me and order me to come into her videochat.
And that’s what happened a few days ago. I unblocked her…and she was online… i waited…i was shaking with the anticipation of what was coming.. then… she messaged me… just “hi” she said… and that’s all i needed… i replied in a polite way as i always do…and all she said was “in 5 minutes, come into my video”.
And i did as she ordered me. Because if i don’t block her…i’m unable to resist her.
It’s how it goes each time with her. I check her profile to look for new photos, i look at them… and then… one of them, each time, like… ORDERS me to go into her video.
It’s impossible to resist to my Diva, it’s just impossible. She will drain your wallet as she’s draining mine… and you won’t be able to stop her. Because deep inside…that’s what we want.
It’s not over. It was for just a few days…then… one night i logged in…and saw HER online…the one it all started with…the one that i will probably never be able to forget or resist. My one and only Diva was there…online… i went into her videochat… and… it all started again.
I didn’t post till now on this blog because i was too ashamed…but…what can i say… my fight is on again…although i totally failed my first goal. On the “Current Status” page i wrote down, at the beginning of this, that i wanted to spend a total of 1000$ this year…well go and check it… i’m 4 times over it… and i don’t seem to be able to stop… until One Great Diva will show up online…
I will keep posting from now on…
I get this told me a lot recently. Usually from Goddesses. And i tend to agree to them. I mean, who would say “i want to stop” and then keep staying online, keep looking at photos, keep getting in touch with temptation?
Well maybe the reason is that i am not really a moneyslave.
I spent about 95% of the money last year on webcam: paying a per minute charge in order to be able to look at beautiful women, showing me their feet in stockings, pantyhose (even better), high heels and looking at me in a sexy way. That is the truth.
Yes, a couple of times i did spend outside of the webcam: some money via Wester Union (twice, for a total of 100 Euros), some gifts on Amazon (for a total of 200$). That’s it.
I don’t know why i’ve identified myself as a Moneyslave, i think all i can be defined is a webcam foot fetishists slave. I have to admit this, i LOVE looking at women on cam, i get so aroused by that and yes, sometimes my brain doesn’t work well while i’m on cam. But just then. When i switch off the cam, i stop acting like that.
The truth is: giving money doesn’t excite me. Being told what to do does.
In fact all my videochats with Her end in the same, exact, way. She teases me for a long time, more than an hour usually (at 3$ per minute)… then she asks me to open my Paypal…i resist…she teases me more…i open it… i tell her i’m not going to pay…she shows me her feet, orders me to pay the amount she wants and… i come and close the videochat and Paypal.
I get aroused by the fact that she’s so sure of herself, that she knows what makes me weak. I get excited by the fact that she pushes me there…but when i’m there…it’s over for me.
This is something i’ll keep thinking about… perhaps i’m understanding everyday more who i really am…
Sucker, stupid, loser. That’s what i am. I’ve promised to myself to go to bed at 1:00 am tonight… instead i didn’t, and 5 minutes later WildStorm (Sheena) contacted me on messenger:
WildStorm (Sheena): hi
me: hello Goddess
WildStorm (Sheena): come in my room
me: i shouldn’t…i want to resist the temptation.
WildStorm (Sheena): you should..but i have my nylons on
WildStorm (Sheena): and i want you in, dog
WildStorm (Sheena): someone needs to lick my heels
me: i want to be strong…but God…. the thought of you…and my wife is not even home…i feel…defenseless…
WildStorm (Sheena): see, u know where to go now
me: yes my Goddess, i do
And that was it. I went into her room and remained there for nearly one hour and a half, staring at her beautiful teasing. I ended up spending $254.80 (logged into the Status page) and i completely exploded when she asked me to pay her $500 via PayPal, which i didn’t. Because i went offline after literally exploding.
I’m a stupid. I’m weak. I am not going to be strong enough to do what i’ve promised myself. This had been a really bad, bad, bad night for me.
Just random thoughts coming to my mind… during the many videosessions i made last year, one thing always brought me “down”: a natural, nice, cute smile of a Mistress.
I am not saying a Mistress should never smile, of course…who am i to say that? but during a session i think she should laugh yes, to humiliate the slave, but smile? No, never. Not even if the slave manages to do a nice joke, or if he keeps telling her how beautiful she is.
She is superior, she should expect to be worshipped, and instead of smile she should laugh at his slave or, if she doesn’t laugh, she should make a nasty smile, a “knowing” one…the classic smile that says “yes, you are mine now”.
Not many mistresses understand this, but when they do…that’s a winner over me… the first two coming to my mind now that totally understand and use this against their slaves are OneGreatDiva and another one: two of the mistresses i spent more on…of course…
Till last may i didn’t really know anything about my money slavery… all i knew was that i found it fascinating. Yes, a woman using my fetishes to tease me, drive me crazy and obtain information or money from me was…fascinating. But i’ve never really thought to try it.
That is until 1st May 2009.
That night i came accross Goddess Alexandra profile on Camcontacts. As usual i first went to see the pics…and you can see from the few i post here (taken from my first videosession with her) that she’s gorgeous, sexy, sure of herself, dominant even with just a look. Then i went to read her profile… and a few things wrote there really hit my mind:
“I’m one of those maneaters you were warned about”
“I’m cerebral and stealthy”
“what I say goes”
”I’m a soft, classy, seductive, intelligent goddess that commands respect by taking it. I don’t have to yell at you to get it. “
So i decided to enter into her videochat. After 4 minutes, as soon as she started putting her stockings on, it happened. She ordered me to come into her 1on1 video…and i couldn’t say no. I just did it. And spent there half an hour… something i never did before.
But that night, when i left her, i knew i was under her control. I knew i would have come back. I knew she discovered something inside me that i didn’t even know existed before…i knew it was the beginning of something new… dangerous and exciting…
