And once again She drained me

And once again She drained me

Comments 0 Comment

I thought i was safe… i thought blocking her on Yahoo was enough… but it’s always like this… i block her on Yahoo and then, after a couple of months, i start feeling the NEED to feel her power on me… the NEED to see her contacting me and order me to come into her videochat.

And that’s what happened a few days ago. I unblocked her…and she was online… i waited…i was shaking with the anticipation of what was coming.. then… she messaged me… just “hi” she said… and that’s all i needed… i replied in a polite way as i always do…and all she said was “in 5 minutes, come into my video”.

And i did as she ordered me. Because if i don’t block her…i’m unable to resist her.

When a photo asks for money

When a photo asks for money

Comments 0 Comment

It’s how it goes each time with her. I check her profile to look for new photos, i look at them… and then… one of them, each time, like… ORDERS me to go into her video.

It’s impossible to resist to my Diva, it’s just impossible. She will drain your wallet as she’s draining mine… and you won’t be able to stop her. Because deep inside…that’s what we want.

The one and only Diva: a video

The one and only Diva: a video

Comments 0 Comment

I had to make a video of her… just to show everyone how powerful she is… even if, i have to say, there is no way you can understand her power unless you go and see her live.

She’s mean, she’s smart, she’s gorgeous, she’s sexy… and yes, she WILL rape your wallet…that’s what she did to me…and what she keeps doing… because i just can’t escape from her… i can’t… and maybe… i don’t.

Who am i kidding?

Who am i kidding?

Comments 0 Comment

It’s not over. It was for just a few days…then… one night i logged in…and saw HER online…the one it all started with…the one that i will probably never be able to forget or resist. My one and only Diva was there…online… i went into her videochat… and… it all started again.

I didn’t post till now on this blog because i was too ashamed…but…what can i say… my fight is on again…although i totally failed my first goal. On the “Current Status” page i wrote down, at the beginning of this, that i wanted to spend a total of 1000$ this year…well go and check it… i’m 4 times over it… and i don’t seem to be able to stop… until One Great Diva will show up online…

I will keep posting from now on…

Am i really a MoneySlave?

Am i really a MoneySlave?

Comments 0 Comment

I get this told me a lot recently. Usually from Goddesses. And i tend to agree to them. I mean, who would say “i want to stop” and then keep staying online, keep looking at photos, keep getting in touch with temptation?

Well maybe the reason is that i am not really a moneyslave.

I spent about 95% of the money last year on webcam: paying a per minute charge in order to be able to look at beautiful women, showing me their feet in stockings, pantyhose (even better), high heels and looking at me in a sexy way. That is the truth.

Yes, a couple of times i did spend outside of the webcam: some money via Wester Union (twice, for a total of 100 Euros), some gifts on Amazon (for a total of 200$). That’s it.

I don’t know why i’ve identified myself as a Moneyslave, i think all i can be defined is a webcam foot fetishists slave. I have to admit this, i LOVE looking at women on cam, i get so aroused by that and yes, sometimes my brain doesn’t work well while i’m on cam. But just then. When i switch off the cam, i stop acting like that.

The truth is: giving money doesn’t excite me. Being told what to do does.

In fact all my videochats with Her end in the same, exact, way. She teases me for a long time, more than an hour usually (at 3$ per minute)… then she asks me to open my Paypal…i resist…she teases me more…i open it… i tell her i’m not going to pay…she shows me her feet, orders me to pay the amount she wants and… i come and close the videochat and Paypal.

I get aroused by the fact that she’s so sure of herself, that she knows what makes me weak. I get excited by the fact that she pushes me there…but when i’m there…it’s over for me.

This is something i’ll keep thinking about… perhaps i’m understanding everyday more who i really am…

The more i run, the more i slow down

The more i run, the more i slow down

Comments 0 Comment

It’s getting difficult, everyday more difficult.

My initial idea was to make myself known into the moneyslavery community, so that whenever i would log a failure here, i would have felt even worst and, maybe, learn for the next time.

So i now find myself browsing Goddes twitter profiles, websites, blogs, youtube videos, facebook contacts.. to add them but…doing so… i also discover so many gorgeous Goddesses, so many women i could never ever resist to…and the worst thing is that i’m not feeling bad…i’m actually feeling like “let’s see what happens”…

This looks so bad…so bad…

I’m a loser: $254.80 spent tonight

I’m a loser: $254.80 spent tonight

Comments 0 Comment

Sucker, stupid, loser. That’s what i am. I’ve promised to myself to go to bed at 1:00 am tonight… instead i didn’t, and 5 minutes later WildStorm (Sheena) contacted me on messenger:

WildStorm (Sheena): hi
me: hello Goddess
WildStorm (Sheena): come in my room
me: i shouldn’t…i want to resist the temptation.
WildStorm (Sheena): you should..but i have my nylons on
WildStorm (Sheena): and i want you in, dog
WildStorm (Sheena): someone needs to lick my heels
me: i want to be strong…but God…. the thought of you…and my wife is not even home…i feel…defenseless…
WildStorm (Sheena): see, u know where to go now
me: yes my Goddess, i do

And that was it. I went into her room and remained there for nearly one hour and a half, staring at her beautiful teasing. I ended up spending $254.80 (logged into the Status page) and i completely exploded when she asked me to pay her $500 via PayPal, which i didn’t. Because i went offline after literally exploding.

I’m a stupid. I’m weak. I am not going to be strong enough to do what i’ve promised myself. This had been a really bad, bad, bad night for me.

Do i love my wife?

Do i love my wife?

Comments 0 Comment

This is a question i sometimes ask myself… the answer is not that difficult to give: yes, i totally love my wife.

Having submissive fantasies doesn’t mean that all you want from your life is to be submissive, or at least not in my case. Being totally addicted, hypnotized by a woman that knows exactly my fetishes and that uses them against my will is a big fantasy of mine, always was.. but it’s a fantasy. Something that excites me a lot, but not something i would experience in every minute of my life.

My wife is the woman i love, the only one i could ever love. She’s beautiful (really beautiful), smart, sexy, sweet, caring and… how do i put this… “weak”. It’s a bad word, but my English maybe doesn’t really help me here a lot. She’s not strong at all, i act with her almost as a mother sometimes, hugging her when she needs it, giving her suggestions.. being always there for her, always.

I’m with her the opposite i am in my fantasies. But in my fantasies, the woman that uses me is not the woman i love. Often she’s a boss in an office, a teacher in a classroom i go to, or just a woman trying to sell me something. The woman i dream of is strong, intelligent, sexy, classy..but not someone i could love.

My wife is my life, my Goddess is my erotic fantasy.

That’s exactly why my weakness is stronger when i am excited and alone… because those are the moments where i usually go (well, “went” as it won’t happen again) here, where it all started… on my favourite cam site.

Today i brought my wife to the airport: she’ll be away for 3 weeks (bureaucracy stuff). These 3 weeks will be the most difficult for me, as i will really be like a sitting duck for any Mistress that will decide to use my fetishes against me… the least i can do is to, at least, don’t go and look for them… won’t be easy though…