Back and confused

Back and confused

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Yes tonight i came back online and ended up visiting a Mistress on videochat. Now i’m confused. I don’t even know what i’m writing about… all i know is that in the last 40 minutes i went from being happy, to sad, to angry to..confused as i am.

Spent a lot? no. Felt Her power? Yes.

But anyway…is it so difficult to understand that i’m not exclusive? I’m a slave that lives on emotions, because they are the reason i spend… and emotions can come from different Mistresses… is it that difficult to understand? Why someone would be mad about it? And why this should cause me problems?

I don’t know. I am just confused…only thing i know for sure is that danger excites me, especially if it’s a beautiful and intelligent danger.

That’s all for tonight… probably no one will understand what i wrote…but in the end…a blog is personal….and even this one is personal. I write about what i feel, about whom i feel… and no one should even dream of telling me what to write or should try to influence my life because of what i write here.

Financial Problems… one week off

Financial Problems… one week off

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There we are… i knew this moment would have come sooner or later… i had a rough week, had been drained (literally) by OneGreatDiva and now… if i don’t take at least a week off from all this, i will have huge problems with my bank.

So it’s time to switch off my messenger, stop visiting certain sites, stop updating this blog, stop visiting my (new) facebook account.

I hope i’ll make it…if not…this could lead to serious problems…really serious.

An hypnotic voice

An hypnotic voice

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Last night i’ve experienced for the first time how a voice can really be hypnotic. Went to see Miss Olivia…and this time she probably decided to show me how she is ALWAYS in charge and in control of the situation, how she could turn myself upside down in a matter of seconds.

She started talking to me with a tonce of voice she never used before…and i swear i really felt like i was hypnotised… listening to her voice while looking at her dangling a shoe from her perfect legs in suntan pantyhose was….something i never experienced before…

If needed, i have another proof of how much she is the one that can decide what i do or what i don’t do in her presence…

Scared? No… i’m… amazed.

She’s different

She’s different

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Ok i admit. Till now i didn’t have one Mistress only, but more like a few favourite Mistresses (the three here on the right). But if i was in the “mood” and noone of them was around, i used to simply browse and look for some other potential Mistress, just to fill my need to be a bit dominated.

Tonight i am in the mood. But none of them is online and, most important, Miss Olivia is not online.

Yes i admit, i can’t even imagine going to someone else. I know it wouldn’t be the same, i know i wouldn’t enjoy it as much, i know another Mistress could never be compared to her.

So i’m here, thinking about her…and she’s not online.

This is a sad night.

New Year, new questions

New Year, new questions

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It probably all started when i met Miss Olivia. Among other things, she really can enter your brain and well… explore it ar her will. And that’s what she did and she keeps doing. But doing so…she’s making me think a lot, really a lot.

Am i really a moneyslave? Or am i just attracted by something else? And if that’s the case…what’s this “something else”? Seduction power? Beauty? Or just a pair of feet in stockings or pantyhose?

How far would i go in a real life session, in presence of a Goddess? Would i be excited, scared or…pissed off? Would i be able to fully let myself go or…my real life situation and position would make me ignore my weaknesses?

And most of all… where is this blog going? Why did i really start it? Is it still useful to my cause? Or is my cause actually changing? And if so… how is it changing?

Shit…i’m really a mess tonight…let’s update the current status… that makes sense…i guess.

Miss Olivia: should i really run away?

Miss Olivia: should i really run away?

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One year has passed since i’ve started this blog. As the name suggests, i was and still am (i think) trying to run away from my financial slavery addiction: too much money spent, too much risk to spend even more. I had to stop.

But after a year of failure, as i ended up spending even more, i think i met the one Mistress that really made me think, for the first time, if this decision to run away is what i really want.

Could it be that i just want to…take a break? Let this bad financial moment in my life pass, and then start again as before? Why should i deny what i am? Why should i deny what really excites me?

I met Miss Olivia online a few days ago, one of those nights when my need to be dominated is higher than my desire to run away from that. Of course she immediatly shocked my for her bauty, but what really made me think a lot in the following days is how that videochat went.

We had a long, interesting, facinating, surprising conversation. It was like she could read my mind, my emotions, my thoughts as no one before. At one point she asked me “Are you sure you want to run away?”. I didn’t answer to that question, i didn’t have an answer. At least not a complete honest answer. And i still don’t.

Her intelligence is beyond anything you can imagine to meet, especially online in a videochat. You can feel how her mind is superior than yours, and one thing that you notice immediatly is that it’s not easy to be accepted as her slave.

She doesn’t take anyone. First she wants to understand the way you are, what you are really looking for, what are your desires. And after that…she is the one deciding if you are worth her attention or not. In my case… all we did was talk, even in a nice way…but at the end of that chat… i just couldn’t stop thinking about her. More than any other Mistress i met before. She is into my brain, and there is no way i can let her go now. And i believe this is because she KNOWS i could be really and deeply submitted only by words, only by a beautiful woman that would use words in a perfect way.

So i’m here today asking myself: how can i run away from Miss Oliva? Is that what i really want? Will i be able to stay away from her for long?

It has been a long year, mostly spent (literally) with the three Mistresses that brought me into all this mess (OneGreatDiva and MsClassy)…but now that a new year starts…it seems that another one, Miss Olivia, will put a stop on all my intentions to run away.

I am confused tonight…especially because i am writing these things and i don’t feel, inside my brain, the usual voice saying “this is wrong, you need to run away”. The only voice i hear into my brain is Miss Olivia’s, and she’s saying:

Are you sure you want to run away from me?

5 rules to approach a Mistress in Videochat

5 rules to approach a Mistress in Videochat

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What happened today really surprised (and honoured me): one of my goddesses posted a comment to my blog! At first i was (and well, still am) VERY excited by this…but the nature of the comment made me think a lot: she is angry.

Luckly she’s not angry with me (or well, not yet), but she is with some of the guys coming to her video after reading about Her on my blog because…well they just don’t know how to properly approach a Mistress online: so that’s why i thought about writing this sort of guide, especially because after all this time, i think to know what should be done. I believe this set of rules is valid for any cam session you might have, but in my case it has always been my favoirte cam site (this one)
1. Don’t think she can read your mind
That’s probably the main mistake many guys do. They think that because of She is a Mistress, She knows immediatly what the guy visiting her chat for the first time is into. Wrong. There are so many different kind of slaves, that you NEED to at least give her some hints of what you are looking for. Of course i know how hard it is to talk while you are in presence of a Mistress, but try to at least give her some hints!

2. If you are not into domination, just don’t visit her
Many Mistresses are of course incredibly beautiful women, so they also attract other kind of guys (not only slaves). But if she is a Mistress, don’t expect she will do anything else than dominate you! If you are looking for a Barbie Doll that will undress for you, just go somewhere else!

3. Entertain her
It can be with words, with actions, with gifts…anything. But try to be a bit active during the chat, that will most probably entertain the Mistress and the whole experience will be much better. But be careful: don’t be too active, always respect what She wants!

4. Don’t ask Her to do things for you
You are there to serve Her, not the other way around. If She wants to use your weaknesses (that you need to tell her or let her guess) then she will, if she doesn’t want to don’t ask her to. She’s there to be served and spoiled, not to entertain you. But be sure that if She is a great Mistress, She will use your weaknesses against you, she surely will.

5. Be patient
There is no Mistress out there that likes to run for us, slaves. She will take Her time, She will decide how long You will have to stay before having the chance to see anything. She is in charge during the videochat, not you. So just be patient and follow her.

WARNING!
Follow these simple rules and you will surely be in trouble as i am. But that’s what, deep inside, we are all looking for, aren’t we?

This time, shoes made me weak

This time, shoes made me weak

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It’s always Her, Sheena. She’s the most dangerous of all the mistresses that are hitting me…she’s always online when i’m feeling weak, and she seems to have this sort of special power to always know what to show and how to show it in order to make me pay…and pay…and pay…

This time she made something that she never did before: she showed me lots of different kind of shoes, always modelling them and dangling them in front of me. That was almost hypnotic for me…i couldn’t resist…and when she ordered me to pay… i just did…as a robot…