Feeling guilty and sad

Feeling guilty and sad

It happened. I always thought my findom addiction was under control and was not interfering with my private life…but I was wrong. And not because of my spendings, those are actually totally under control (remember how I found my balance?), but because of my…wanking habit. Or at least that’s what I think this is, perhaps it’s deeper I don’t know.

I Love Her

First of all, I love my wife with all my heart. She is always my first thought about anything that I do, and I would never do anything to harm her. In all these years I made sure I protected my marriage from all the dangers of Financial Domination. That’s why I managed to find a balance on my spendings, and that’s why I never risked getting caught. If there is a slight risk, I just don’t even go online. She is my main priority.

My failure

But there is one thing that seems to be affecting us: my lack of sexual drive. Recently, we just don’t have sex enough. It’s about once a month, sometimes even less…and it’s not because she’s not beautiful, because she is. It’s probably because she doesn’t represent what my sexual fantasies are always about, she doesn’t even come close to what I need to get excited…and that’s starting to be an issue.

Two nights ago we spent an hour talking about this (well, talking…arguing I should say). She ended up crying, thinking this is all her fault. That I don’t like her anymore and stuff like that. We ended up cuddling and having sex …but since then I feel guilty. Extremely guilty. The one thing I never wanted to happen, it’s happening. I’m hurting her. And it’s all because I probably spend too much time fantasizing on Financial Domination goddesses and stuff like that.

Is there a solution?

How can I solve this? I don’t know. The only solution I see seems impossible: many times I tried, and always failed to quit money slavery. This is who I am, this is an important part of myself, and I can’t be happy without it.
All I’m doing these days is giving more and more attention to her needs, always been there for her (even more than before), and of course, having sex more often but… how long this will last? How long till I will stop feeling guilty, and just get back as I was before?

I have no answers at the moment. I’m just sad.

13 thoughts on “Feeling guilty and sad

  1. Hello.
    I felt everything that you wrote and that’s a ” problem ” , we ,the ones involved in fetishes ,fantasies ,our of normal ,bdsm etc go through. Here is why I think this happens ,at least for Me. Most are fantasies so My mind is going to extreme, new dimensions, I repeat these fantasies daily ,multiple times a day and My brain and body are triggered by those. They become habits, patterns. My brain is already expanded and does not react to less . I want to but I don’t feel it. I want MORE. I can no longer be satisfied with what used to give Me pleasure . I associate this with junkie need ,always desire to increase the dose to feel something. The things that used to trigger you about your wife are still there but you can no longer be triggered bcz you fed yourself daily fantasies. Break the pattern. Brain is used to follow the same way ,the same path that feels comfortable. Break this. Say Yes when You want to say No and say No when you want to say Yes. At least Once. Try it as an experiment, is worthy especially for your wife. And is true what you said ,you can’t and shouldn’t change what you are, your sexuality is big part of you. It’s not all that you represent though. You are also a husband , a friend , a lover ,you also have other hobbies. Let’s say your sexuality is 30% of you and you split the other % as you want. That means that from your time ,feelings ,attention ,money ,sex ,care etc you should only give 30%.
    Discover how much of you as human is your sexuality and offer yourself that dose.
    I hope it makes somehow sense… good luck !
    From a perv to another.

  2. What does she exactly know about your fantasies? Maybe you could try to involve her in the darkest part of your sexuality, maybe starting with foot fetish and who knows, she could surprise you. Probably it’s pointless, but worth a try

    1. She knows about foot fetish, and feet are always an important part of our sex. But foot fetish isn’t findom. And findom isn’t what I would look for in my wife. Love is so much distant from findom, so much another thing for me…that would just not work. And besides, why should I force her to be what she is not? She is perfect for me in so many ways already…

  3. Dear Domdeluxury
    Thanks for good answar .
    Show you are a very intelligent person
    I have the same thoughts as Massi . I am married too .
    When i read this blog i have Think a lot . But your answar is so right . Sexuality is a part off a person . And difficult to change
    So i Will not change my self, and continue my findom life . It’s help me to get happy and relax in the other 70%!!!
    Your answar really help me Thanks so mich

  4. Hello,
    You probably don’t remember me, but you helped me once in a dark moment involving a blackmail situation. All I would like to say is that there are times in life where you have a negative experience, and that triggers a feeling of helplessness. I think it is best not to dwell on the problem too much, as there is no easy/obvious solution. Perhaps, the best way to deal with these moments is to focus on something else, something unrelated that you enjoy. Maybe a non-sexual hobby or activity. I don’t think you can make a single decision now that will solve all your problems. Any change will have to be gradual. Therefore, I hope you don’t torture yourself too much, negative experiences happen and time will heal them. I am sure you will eventually be able to find a good balance in this scenario as well, it is just the argument has probably taken you to a dark place mentally. There is always light at the end of the tunnel 🙂 Good luck!

    1. Thank you SO much for your kind words, Wimpy. And I’m sorry I replied just now. You are probably right when you say the argument took me to a dark place, in fact, my mood is already improved ever since I wrote this. I also tried to focus a bit more on my wife’s needs and things got a bit better so far. 🙂

  5. Apologies for the long post.
    I can only put things from my perspective. I always had images/fantasies of being dominated by beautiful females in my mind. I am speaking here for very young years. As I grew up I got exposed to porn like any normal young chap, however, those fantasies persisted albeit they were not catered for by mainstream porn.
    Somewhere around year 2005-06 I had numerous nagging fights with my then girlfriend(now wife). Those days I took solace in watching porn and what I understand fell into porn addiction. Those were the days I was exposed to my first femdom clips; I guess meninpain.com was the first site I was exposed to. Since then I never stopped searching for femdom porn and it became more like a need.
    My sex life with my wife has never been good in spite of great love we have for each other. Reason was we lived in different cities initially for our masters degree and my porn addiction. Addiction feeds addiction. I did visit a dominatrices at this time and those visits were caught by my wife. We had massive fights and our marriage was in tatters. We somehow resolved the issues and I promised not to go back to porn. This was not to be though! My porn addiction increased and in 2016 I got hooked onto camping on camcontacts.com(most of my exposure happened through your website/blog in initial days). I was not into findom initially, but over years I have went into it and fell deeper even too.
    Things have only escalated since then and I need to spend more and more to get the same kick. Sometimes giving yourself a break does help things as your threshold for kick comes back down again. This is akin to global warming(There may be ups and downs in temperatures nee’ spending, however, overall trajectory goes one way i.e up).
    The reason this has happened of course is physiologically similar to science of addiction. Your brain responds by secreting dopamine by seeing/doing something you find pleasurable. Over period of time though the type(read drug, alcohol to cocaine) and amount of exposure needed to release the same amount of Dopamine keeps going up. One keeps on falling deeper to get the same amount of kick. Kick also lasts for lesser and lesser amount of time over time.
    Excess of anything is bad; period. I think I need to rein in myself now. I am studying stoicism nowadays to help me with this. One can’t change the external environment, Sexy findoms will always be around. You can change your response to their presence though.
    As far as guilt is concerned. I guess all of feel guilty after doing it. Even if I am okay financially for my family spare money can always be put in humanitarian causes. I am from India and I have seen real poverty, mind you. Thoughts like those make me(I guess everyone) feel guilty. That plus time we spend one our fetishes. Time which could have utilised for family, self-developement, exercise what-not. Being trapped in my addiction, however,limits the amount of time of I have for all these vocations. This in someways can perpetuate addiction even. As you don’t exercise, don’t spend time with family; you feel more and more like a loser and thus vulnerable to get trapped deeper into findom addiction.
    Since guilt is the keyword here, I will say I am addicted to that guilt even. That guilt causes a little tingle in your groins. You project it somewhere, but guilt also traps us.
    Upon introspection I think way out for me is stoicism, abstinence and self acceptance. Every person is different though! May all us find peace and happiness in whatever we do.

    Best wishes

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, and I agree. Everyone is different, but I hope we will all find our own balance to live happy. And… Sorry for somehow being the reason you fall down again into the addiction 🙁

  6. When I first got involved in Financial Domination back in 2005, I started gifting a Domme from Privatefeeds. My 2nd marriage was already slipping away, and got even worse when she decided to open my credit statement and discovered my favorite past-time. I really don’t believe you’ve reached that point. You’ve managed to find a discreet balance out of love and respect for her, and that’s more than half the battle. Based on what I’ve read, you love your wife deeply. So perhaps an extended break from Financial Domination might ease some of your feelings of guilt, and I emphasize “extended break” because you and I both know you can’t ultimately quit findom. You enjoy the dark excitement of it, and its abundantly clear you’re able to distinguish fantasy from reality. Which in a sense, keeps your marriage intact. This may sound cliche but; this will pass.

    1. Franco,
      you always “read” me so correctly…it shows that we are on the same “side of the dark”. I do love my wife deeply, and her needs are always the most important thing for me. I’ve slowed down since I wrote this post, and also started to take more attention to her sexual needs. Things have improved, a lot.
      Will I quit financial domination? No, never. But all the comments here really helped me in a very dark moment… I’m so glad so many people decided to give me their insight 🙂

Leave a Reply