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What’s happening to my dreams?

What’s happening to my dreams?

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This post doesn’t have to do anything with Financial Domination or anything like that… but it’s my blog, and tonight i need to write out some thoughts. So you are totally free to move on if all you want to read is Financial Domination, blackmailing, cam and so on.

So i’m working no stop since 3 years now.. no less than 10 hours a day, holding two jobs. My regular, boring one, and the other…the dream. The one that i wish one day will be profitable enough to let me resign from my everyday job.

I keep working like hell at the secondary job, i keep planning the future, planning big, making improvements and so on..but then.. what if it’s all useless? What if it just can’t happen? What if the success i often believe it’s right there….just isn’t? What if i am stuck in having two jobs forever, not being able to achieve my dream?

I look at others doing similar job…i see their success… i see how easy it seems for them…and then i wonder… am i capable of that? Can i actually reach that level? Am i just unable to do it perhaps? Am i just… dreaming too much?

And also…what if i made it all wrong since the beginning? What if the choices i made at first were just wrong…and now it’s too late to change them?

Damn i feel bad tonight… i just wish i had someone to talk to when i feel like this… someone that would tell me “you can do it!”… but i don’t. Usually i am the one telling others “You can do it”…and when i need it…i’m alone.

Goodnight everyone… i hope i’ll wake up in a better mood tomorrow.

10 days away from cams and Goddesses

10 days away from cams and Goddesses

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It has been ten days…so far. Ten days since my last cam session online, Ten days since i’ve fall at a Goddess feet… ten….LONG days.

And i have to be honest… i can’t wait for this to end. I didn’t choose to stay away, i didn’t want this to happen (even if i should), it wasn’t an act of strength on my part, it wasn’t me winning against my instincts.

I just didn’t have a single cent left on my credit card.

Now i got my paycheck…now everything is in order again…and i just can’t wait to have the privacy required to go there, go to that site and… let my instincts do the rest.

I know it’s wrong, i know. But it’s kinda useless to try to resist. I FEEL the need to go there, i FEEL it…and yes…i’m gonna do anything i can to have the required privacy…

Low on cash: the forced abstinence

Low on cash: the forced abstinence

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Now…this is one of the things i hate most: being low on cash (not only because of my findom addiction, but also because of other expenses) and therefore…being forced to stay away from all this world.

Yes i know, in a way i should be happy…for a week i won’t be able to spend on Financial Domination. Not a cent, nothing. I have 80$ left on my credit card…and believe me, i do need them till next pay period….

It’s exactly a forced abstinence.

What can i do about it? Nothing at all… i just need to stay away from my computer when i have privacy…when the temptation is higher… mostly because, no matter the temptation, money aren’t there…so there is no way i could see any of the gorgeous Goddess i serve.

One of those nights…

One of those nights…

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So my wife went to sleep. I’ve been working till a few minutes ago, and mind you is about 1.30 am… so I’m here, sitting in front of my computer, trying to relax.

And that’s when it happens: I’m alone, it’s night, I’m online. It’s like my fingers move by themselves..typing the address of the site I mostly visit my Goddesses from… but She’s not online. The one I have been thinking about since 2 days isn’t online… and I wish She was. Yes, I wish She would use her power on me tonight…but She’s not online.

And so…it’s one of those nights when I say…

I’ll wait 10 minutes, then go to bed if She doesn’t show up

And 10 minutes become 20….and then 30… and in the end…i will just feel useless and went to bed very late. It has happened before…it will happen tonight…unless…i just shut down my laptop and go to sleep.

Will I?

Is it REALLY blackmail that excites me?

Is it REALLY blackmail that excites me?

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Recently i’ve been fascinated by blackmail, the excitement of being in huge danger, of letting a gorgeous woman “steal” personal data from me in order to keep me into her hands…but… is this the real reason i’m getting excited by this?

What if…all i crave is cheating my wife with another woman? What if all this fetish of mine (moneyslavery or blackmailing) is just a reason to “feel” the excitement of actually cheat my wife for real?

I have never done that, i have never cheated her in real life…only online… and now… the idea of actually be, physically, with another woman…totally attracts me even more than before.

Maybe, these days, it’s not anymore about financial domination, it’s not aboutblackmailing…it’s just about…cheating my wife.