Friends with benefits…. really?

Friends with benefits…. really?

Seems like i’m a total failure even in finding the “friends with benefits” thing and, to be honest, that’s depressing.
There’s this hot coworker i know since 8 years now: we are really close friends but of course, i also always wanted more. In the last couple of years i’ve increased the “tips” about that subject, always commenting on her outfits, always “Playing” about sexual things and so on…
And well, she also did play well on that. We are at the point that, often, she puts on outfits she knows i like and then asks me for an opinion on them. I’ve always thought that when a woman dresses thinking about you, well perhaps she wouldn’t mind something “more”.

We talked about the fact that she always wears stockings… at times i also had a chance to see them under the table, and made sure she knew it. She always answers with smiles, laughs, even plays along with that… so yes, i keep thinking that…perhaps… if i try, she will agree on something more.

But she’s not the kind that likes to talk about things, she does’t “share”, she doesn’t even have any social network account… she prefer to DO things. And for someone like me, a lot shy till a few years ago, it takes time to do that step… so only recently i really thought i want to do that…but i’m waiting for the right moment, a moment when me and her can be alone.
And that moment seems not to come. Of course being married and living 1 hour away from office doesn’t help at all…

But what really really put me down recently is that i’m starting to think she has a strong interest for another coworker, also married, that started playing the same way with her… but who’s less of a friend to her. It’s tough to describe why i feel it…but a few signals she’s sending lately don’t look good. Seems to me she wants to keep me as a friend and maybe have fun with him… needless to say, this would seriously make me sad (if not worst)… she’s asking me what do i think about him, if i trust him and so on… i can’t act like an ass and ignore the question, of course because we are friends, so i’m keeping a balance on that… but… yesterday i was in the same office with her and him (usually we don’t work in the same room)…and she was silent with me in chat but playing with him (i knew because i could see their faces)…of course i can’t know about what, i can’t be sure…and at the same time, she keeps always doing things so that i can compliment her or tell her how sexy she looks…but… well considering the period i’m in…this is just another reason to feel depressed.

I think when the moment we’ll be alone will finally come (if it won’t be too late), i’ll probably be clear and maybe a bit too “an ass” with her…but i need to have a clear answer on this. So even a slap on my face would make me feel better than what i feel now.

I don’t even know if all i wrote makes sense…but i just had to put it out…

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