It’s getting worst. Since she raped me a few days ago, i updated my current status page and…it didn’t look good at all.
I’m spending way more than last two years….and it doesn’t look like i can stop.
I keep going there, looking for those Financial Domme i know but also always to seek for new ones…as if i’m always looking for more women to rape my wallet… this is not going to stop…
This had been my worst year so far. I’ve been updating my status page and i just noticed it. My Financial Domination fetish isn’t over at all…it’s actually getting stronger and more expensive.
What to do?
I don’t really have an answer to this question…all i know is that at the moment my mind is only focused on One Great Diva’s feet, on her legs, on her eyes… nothing else counts at the moment…nothing else.
It doesn’t help to feel like being a slave of more than one Mistress, as i am… there are times…when… i’m the mood to serve…i’m ready to let them use their power on me but… no one of them is online.
Tonight is one of those nights…and all i can do is…dream about them.
It doesn’t stop…that’s a fact. I am spending more than last year and surely i am not slowing down… perhaps…this is just what i want…and i should really stop fighting this… what’s the point in fighting who i am?
Actually… recently i find myself thinking more and more about… real life sessions… about a Mistress (well, i can say Her name… Miss Olivia) tempting me in a public place, using my fetishes to make me weak…and then.. using me to go shopping… maybe shop about shoes… and modeling them in front of me… yes.. i am thinking about this more and more… and i find it really exciting.
But i do know one thing: that’s something i can’t afford. A real life session is going to cost WAY more than a videochat…and i can’t, can’t, can’t really afford that…at the moment…
Yes tonight i came back online and ended up visiting a Mistress on videochat. Now i’m confused. I don’t even know what i’m writing about… all i know is that in the last 40 minutes i went from being happy, to sad, to angry to..confused as i am.
Spent a lot? no. Felt Her power? Yes.
But anyway…is it so difficult to understand that i’m not exclusive? I’m a slave that lives on emotions, because they are the reason i spend… and emotions can come from different Mistresses… is it that difficult to understand? Why someone would be mad about it? And why this should cause me problems?
I don’t know. I am just confused…only thing i know for sure is that danger excites me, especially if it’s a beautiful and intelligent danger.
That’s all for tonight… probably no one will understand what i wrote…but in the end…a blog is personal….and even this one is personal. I write about what i feel, about whom i feel… and no one should even dream of telling me what to write or should try to influence my life because of what i write here.
