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Tag: Diary of a Money Slave

Am i really a MoneySlave?

Am i really a MoneySlave?

I get this told me a lot recently. Usually from Goddesses. And i tend to agree to them. I mean, who would say “i want to stop” and then keep staying online, keep looking at photos, keep getting in touch with temptation?

Well maybe the reason is that i am not really a moneyslave.

I spent about 95% of the money last year on webcam: paying a per minute charge in order to be able to look at beautiful women, showing me their feet in stockings, pantyhose (even better), high heels and looking at me in a sexy way. That is the truth.

Yes, a couple of times i did spend outside of the webcam: some money via Wester Union (twice, for a total of 100 Euros), some gifts on Amazon (for a total of 200$). That’s it.

I don’t know why i’ve identified myself as a Moneyslave, i think all i can be defined is a webcam foot fetishists slave. I have to admit this, i LOVE looking at women on cam, i get so aroused by that and yes, sometimes my brain doesn’t work well while i’m on cam. But just then. When i switch off the cam, i stop acting like that.

The truth is: giving money doesn’t excite me. Being told what to do does.

In fact all my videochats with Her end in the same, exact, way. She teases me for a long time, more than an hour usually (at 3$ per minute)… then she asks me to open my Paypal…i resist…she teases me more…i open it… i tell her i’m not going to pay…she shows me her feet, orders me to pay the amount she wants and… i come and close the videochat and Paypal.

I get aroused by the fact that she’s so sure of herself, that she knows what makes me weak. I get excited by the fact that she pushes me there…but when i’m there…it’s over for me.

This is something i’ll keep thinking about… perhaps i’m understanding everyday more who i really am…

The more i run, the more i slow down

The more i run, the more i slow down

It’s getting difficult, everyday more difficult.

My initial idea was to make myself known into the moneyslavery community, so that whenever i would log a failure here, i would have felt even worst and, maybe, learn for the next time.

So i now find myself browsing Goddes twitter profiles, websites, blogs, youtube videos, facebook contacts.. to add them but…doing so… i also discover so many gorgeous Goddesses, so many women i could never ever resist to…and the worst thing is that i’m not feeling bad…i’m actually feeling like “let’s see what happens”…

This looks so bad…so bad…

Do i love my wife?

Do i love my wife?

This is a question i sometimes ask myself… the answer is not that difficult to give: yes, i totally love my wife.

Having submissive fantasies doesn’t mean that all you want from your life is to be submissive, or at least not in my case. Being totally addicted, hypnotized by a woman that knows exactly my fetishes and that uses them against my will is a big fantasy of mine, always was.. but it’s a fantasy. Something that excites me a lot, but not something i would experience in every minute of my life.

My wife is the woman i love, the only one i could ever love. She’s beautiful (really beautiful), smart, sexy, sweet, caring and… how do i put this… “weak”. It’s a bad word, but my English maybe doesn’t really help me here a lot. She’s not strong at all, i act with her almost as a mother sometimes, hugging her when she needs it, giving her suggestions.. being always there for her, always.

I’m with her the opposite i am in my fantasies. But in my fantasies, the woman that uses me is not the woman i love. Often she’s a boss in an office, a teacher in a classroom i go to, or just a woman trying to sell me something. The woman i dream of is strong, intelligent, sexy, classy..but not someone i could love.

My wife is my life, my Goddess is my erotic fantasy.

That’s exactly why my weakness is stronger when i am excited and alone… because those are the moments where i usually go (well, “went” as it won’t happen again) here, where it all started… on my favourite cam site.

Today i brought my wife to the airport: she’ll be away for 3 weeks (bureaucracy stuff). These 3 weeks will be the most difficult for me, as i will really be like a sitting duck for any Mistress that will decide to use my fetishes against me… the least i can do is to, at least, don’t go and look for them… won’t be easy though…

Work in progress

Work in progress

Tonight i’m working a bit more on this… i’ve updated my Twitter and, more important, added the Status page on this blog. That will help me to keep an updated situation of all this mess…