Did i really resist?

Did i really resist?

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Looks like tonight i managed to resist Miss Olivia request to pay…but now i wander…was it me that resisted, or did She just let me, perhaps because She couldn’t be bothered to try harder? I don’t know…all i know is that She was dressed to kill (as you can see) and that i was really in some sort of hypnosis but… i managed to say “no”.

Am i really coming out of this? I doubt it… i think She just didn’t want to waste lots of time…or maybe She just wants to see how long it will take me to try to see Her again…and probably when i’ll do…she’ll strike. I don’t know…i keep having doubts, even when things goes right like tonight…i’m confused.

Looking for Financial Mistresses…

Looking for Financial Mistresses…

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It doesn’t help to feel like being a slave of more than one Mistress, as i am… there are times…when… i’m the mood to serve…i’m ready to let them use their power on me but… no one of them is online.

Tonight is one of those nights…and all i can do is…dream about them.

Thinking about… real life

Thinking about… real life

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tacchi01It doesn’t stop…that’s a fact. I am spending more than last year and surely i am not slowing down… perhaps…this is just what i want…and i should really stop fighting this… what’s the point in fighting who i am?

Actually… recently i find myself thinking more and more about… real life sessions… about a Mistress (well, i can say Her name… Miss Olivia) tempting me in a public place, using my fetishes to make me weak…and then.. using me to go shopping… maybe shop about shoes… and modeling them in front of me… yes.. i am thinking about this more and more… and i find it really exciting.

But i do know one thing: that’s something i can’t afford. A real life session is going to cost WAY more than a videochat…and i can’t, can’t, can’t really afford that…at the moment…

Back and confused

Back and confused

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Yes tonight i came back online and ended up visiting a Mistress on videochat. Now i’m confused. I don’t even know what i’m writing about… all i know is that in the last 40 minutes i went from being happy, to sad, to angry to..confused as i am.

Spent a lot? no. Felt Her power? Yes.

But anyway…is it so difficult to understand that i’m not exclusive? I’m a slave that lives on emotions, because they are the reason i spend… and emotions can come from different Mistresses… is it that difficult to understand? Why someone would be mad about it? And why this should cause me problems?

I don’t know. I am just confused…only thing i know for sure is that danger excites me, especially if it’s a beautiful and intelligent danger.

That’s all for tonight… probably no one will understand what i wrote…but in the end…a blog is personal….and even this one is personal. I write about what i feel, about whom i feel… and no one should even dream of telling me what to write or should try to influence my life because of what i write here.

Financial Problems… one week off

Financial Problems… one week off

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There we are… i knew this moment would have come sooner or later… i had a rough week, had been drained (literally) by OneGreatDiva and now… if i don’t take at least a week off from all this, i will have huge problems with my bank.

So it’s time to switch off my messenger, stop visiting certain sites, stop updating this blog, stop visiting my (new) facebook account.

I hope i’ll make it…if not…this could lead to serious problems…really serious.