Why do i always find myself doing this “sitting duck” sort of game?
I know everytime she contacts me, i can’t resist her… so when i see she’s online on messenger, i log in and stay there…not contacting her and telling myself “i’ll go in 20 minutes”.
Inside myself i know the excitement i get to be “on the edge”…but i also know i NEED to avoid her, to protect myself against her…
But yet… i play like a sitting duck…all the time…
I’ve always thought this of course… but sometimes things get to your mind stronger than other times. And tonight is one of those times.
As everytime i have some privacy (meaning, my wife is asleep), i’m browsing through picture galleries of all these wonderful women online. Sometimes i see a shoe dangling for the top of a toe, other times just a pair of beautiful legs crossed while dressed in a formal way… but all these photos have one thing in common: women are Goddesses. They are here to be worshipped and served.
My fight against my moneyslavery doesn’t have anything to do with this. I’m just trying to save money and avoid getting completely raped by one of those Goddesses. But even if i’m trying to protect myself, that doesn’t change the fact that women are Goddesses.
Every man should worship a Goddess (or more than one), because that’s what we were born for.
That’s what this “project” of mine had been till now: a total failure. I’ve started this year giving me the goal of spending a maximum of 1,000$ in the whole 2010… 5 months have passed and… i’ve spent nearly 6,000$. This time, last year, i had spent about 1,500$.
This is a total failure till now. And the Woman, the Goddess, the Mistress i have to “thank” for all this is her.. Sheena (or WildStorm for that matter). I’ve tried to escape, tried to block her on messenger, tried to do everything… but yet… each time i have some free (and private) time i find myself looking for her pictures, and always dream of her power…and get excited just by the idea of that…
I don’t know how i will find a way to stop my spending…and i probably won’t find a way… but i’ll keep trying… even if till now… i’ve been a total failure.
I thought i was safe… i thought blocking her on Yahoo was enough… but it’s always like this… i block her on Yahoo and then, after a couple of months, i start feeling the NEED to feel her power on me… the NEED to see her contacting me and order me to come into her videochat.
And that’s what happened a few days ago. I unblocked her…and she was online… i waited…i was shaking with the anticipation of what was coming.. then… she messaged me… just “hi” she said… and that’s all i needed… i replied in a polite way as i always do…and all she said was “in 5 minutes, come into my video”.
And i did as she ordered me. Because if i don’t block her…i’m unable to resist her.
It’s how it goes each time with her. I check her profile to look for new photos, i look at them… and then… one of them, each time, like… ORDERS me to go into her video.
It’s impossible to resist to my Diva, it’s just impossible. She will drain your wallet as she’s draining mine… and you won’t be able to stop her. Because deep inside…that’s what we want.