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Trying to stop, once again

Trying to stop, once again

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Sheena raped my wallet once again a few nights ago. I watched her in cam for a while, spending quite a lot and i almost sent her a tribute… i was just about to do it…when i managed to switch the computer off and, literally, run away.

I really think i need to stop now, can’t go on like this. I have a family to think about and i’m really spending too much money. So last night, when i saw her online, i was brave enough to contact her and face her. This is the short dialogue we had:

Me: The other night i run away. It’s getting out of control. You won’t see me for a while.
Shenna: Are you sure? No.
Me:Yes i am
Shenna: I won’t let you.
Me:I’ll stick to my decision this time
Shenna: I don’t agree
Me: It doesn’t matter really, goodbye
Shenna: You just make me laugh!

That was it. I just logged off and went to bed. Now… i’ll see if she will really try to stop me or if she won’t bother to. And if she attempts to use my weakness once again…well… i just hope i’ll be strong enough to resist…

Women are meant to be worshipped

Women are meant to be worshipped

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I’ve always thought this of course… but sometimes things get to your mind stronger than other times. And tonight is one of those times.

As everytime i have some privacy (meaning, my wife is asleep), i’m browsing through picture galleries of all these wonderful women online. Sometimes i see a shoe dangling for the top of a toe, other times just a pair of beautiful legs crossed while dressed in a formal way… but all these photos have one thing in common: women are Goddesses. They are here to be worshipped and served.
My fight against my moneyslavery doesn’t have anything to do with this. I’m just trying to save money and avoid getting completely raped by one of those Goddesses. But even if i’m trying to protect myself, that doesn’t change the fact that women are Goddesses.

Every man should worship a Goddess (or more than one), because that’s what we were born for.

A total failure

A total failure

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That’s what this “project” of mine had been till now: a total failure. I’ve started this year giving me the goal of spending a maximum of 1,000$ in the whole 2010… 5 months have passed and… i’ve spent nearly 6,000$. This time, last year, i had spent about 1,500$.

This is a total failure till now. And the Woman, the Goddess, the Mistress i have to “thank” for all this is her.. Sheena (or WildStorm for that matter). I’ve tried to escape, tried to block her on messenger, tried to do everything… but yet… each time i have some free (and private) time i find myself looking for her pictures, and always dream of her power…and get excited just by the idea of that…

I don’t know how i will find a way to stop my spending…and i probably won’t find a way… but i’ll keep trying… even if till now… i’ve been a total failure.

The one and only Diva: a video

The one and only Diva: a video

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I had to make a video of her… just to show everyone how powerful she is… even if, i have to say, there is no way you can understand her power unless you go and see her live.

She’s mean, she’s smart, she’s gorgeous, she’s sexy… and yes, she WILL rape your wallet…that’s what she did to me…and what she keeps doing… because i just can’t escape from her… i can’t… and maybe… i don’t.

Am i really a MoneySlave?

Am i really a MoneySlave?

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I get this told me a lot recently. Usually from Goddesses. And i tend to agree to them. I mean, who would say “i want to stop” and then keep staying online, keep looking at photos, keep getting in touch with temptation?

Well maybe the reason is that i am not really a moneyslave.

I spent about 95% of the money last year on webcam: paying a per minute charge in order to be able to look at beautiful women, showing me their feet in stockings, pantyhose (even better), high heels and looking at me in a sexy way. That is the truth.

Yes, a couple of times i did spend outside of the webcam: some money via Wester Union (twice, for a total of 100 Euros), some gifts on Amazon (for a total of 200$). That’s it.

I don’t know why i’ve identified myself as a Moneyslave, i think all i can be defined is a webcam foot fetishists slave. I have to admit this, i LOVE looking at women on cam, i get so aroused by that and yes, sometimes my brain doesn’t work well while i’m on cam. But just then. When i switch off the cam, i stop acting like that.

The truth is: giving money doesn’t excite me. Being told what to do does.

In fact all my videochats with Her end in the same, exact, way. She teases me for a long time, more than an hour usually (at 3$ per minute)… then she asks me to open my Paypal…i resist…she teases me more…i open it… i tell her i’m not going to pay…she shows me her feet, orders me to pay the amount she wants and… i come and close the videochat and Paypal.

I get aroused by the fact that she’s so sure of herself, that she knows what makes me weak. I get excited by the fact that she pushes me there…but when i’m there…it’s over for me.

This is something i’ll keep thinking about… perhaps i’m understanding everyday more who i really am…