There we are… i knew this moment would have come sooner or later… i had a rough week, had been drained (literally) by OneGreatDiva and now… if i don’t take at least a week off from all this, i will have huge problems with my bank.
So it’s time to switch off my messenger, stop visiting certain sites, stop updating this blog, stop visiting my (new) facebook account.
I hope i’ll make it…if not…this could lead to serious problems…really serious.
Last night i’ve experienced for the first time how a voice can really be hypnotic. Went to see Miss Olivia…and this time she probably decided to show me how she is ALWAYS in charge and in control of the situation, how she could turn myself upside down in a matter of seconds.
She started talking to me with a tonce of voice she never used before…and i swear i really felt like i was hypnotised… listening to her voice while looking at her dangling a shoe from her perfect legs in suntan pantyhose was….something i never experienced before…
If needed, i have another proof of how much she is the one that can decide what i do or what i don’t do in her presence…
Scared? No… i’m… amazed.
Ok i admit. Till now i didn’t have one Mistress only, but more like a few favourite Mistresses (the three here on the right). But if i was in the “mood” and noone of them was around, i used to simply browse and look for some other potential Mistress, just to fill my need to be a bit dominated.
Tonight i am in the mood. But none of them is online and, most important, Miss Olivia is not online.
Yes i admit, i can’t even imagine going to someone else. I know it wouldn’t be the same, i know i wouldn’t enjoy it as much, i know another Mistress could never be compared to her.
So i’m here, thinking about her…and she’s not online.
This is a sad night.
It probably all started when i met Miss Olivia. Among other things, she really can enter your brain and well… explore it ar her will. And that’s what she did and she keeps doing. But doing so…she’s making me think a lot, really a lot.
Am i really a moneyslave? Or am i just attracted by something else? And if that’s the case…what’s this “something else”? Seduction power? Beauty? Or just a pair of feet in stockings or pantyhose?
How far would i go in a real life session, in presence of a Goddess? Would i be excited, scared or…pissed off? Would i be able to fully let myself go or…my real life situation and position would make me ignore my weaknesses?
And most of all… where is this blog going? Why did i really start it? Is it still useful to my cause? Or is my cause actually changing? And if so… how is it changing?
Shit…i’m really a mess tonight…let’s update the current status… that makes sense…i guess.
One year has passed since i’ve started this blog. As the name suggests, i was and still am (i think) trying to run away from my financial slavery addiction: too much money spent, too much risk to spend even more. I had to stop.
But after a year of failure, as i ended up spending even more, i think i met the one Mistress that really made me think, for the first time, if this decision to run away is what i really want.
Could it be that i just want to…take a break? Let this bad financial moment in my life pass, and then start again as before? Why should i deny what i am? Why should i deny what really excites me?
I met Miss Olivia online a few days ago, one of those nights when my need to be dominated is higher than my desire to run away from that. Of course she immediatly shocked my for her bauty, but what really made me think a lot in the following days is how that videochat went.
We had a long, interesting, facinating, surprising conversation. It was like she could read my mind, my emotions, my thoughts as no one before. At one point she asked me “Are you sure you want to run away?”. I didn’t answer to that question, i didn’t have an answer. At least not a complete honest answer. And i still don’t.
Her intelligence is beyond anything you can imagine to meet, especially online in a videochat. You can feel how her mind is superior than yours, and one thing that you notice immediatly is that it’s not easy to be accepted as her slave.
She doesn’t take anyone. First she wants to understand the way you are, what you are really looking for, what are your desires. And after that…she is the one deciding if you are worth her attention or not. In my case… all we did was talk, even in a nice way…but at the end of that chat… i just couldn’t stop thinking about her. More than any other Mistress i met before. She is into my brain, and there is no way i can let her go now. And i believe this is because she KNOWS i could be really and deeply submitted only by words, only by a beautiful woman that would use words in a perfect way.
So i’m here today asking myself: how can i run away from Miss Oliva? Is that what i really want? Will i be able to stay away from her for long?
It has been a long year, mostly spent (literally) with the three Mistresses that brought me into all this mess (OneGreatDiva and MsSupreme)…but now that a new year starts…it seems that another one, Miss Olivia, will put a stop on all my intentions to run away.
I am confused tonight…especially because i am writing these things and i don’t feel, inside my brain, the usual voice saying “this is wrong, you need to run away”. The only voice i hear into my brain is Miss Olivia’s, and she’s saying:
Are you sure you want to run away from me?
