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Perhaps i should just give up

Perhaps i should just give up

August has been a hard month for me. I’ve been trying to stay away from Her, thinking in this way to actually..well…save money. But that didn’t actually happen.

I kept going to other mistresses on the sites i well know (the three listed here on the right) and well.. i ended up spending quite a lot (for my standards) and… not being satisfied at all.

She has something… something that really gets me. I don’t know if it’s the way she just doesn’t care a lot of me, the way she looks, the way she often ignores me while moving in ways that kill my brain… or just the fact that she knows what to show me in order to completely fuck up my brain.

I don’t know. All i know is that last night she contacted me on messenger and, after a while, i agreed to go and see her saying “i won’t stay long”.

That didn’t happen. I spend almost an hour there. She had a fantastic new pair of black stockings and an equally amazing pair of high heel black shoes that she could remove easily… she teased me for the whole hour but never talked to me.. i just couldn’t manage to go away… check the video below and tell me if you would have been able to…

She’s the one, i probably better start understanding this and avoid going looking for the same power somewhere else.

I should probably give up and understand  she owns me, no matter what i do to avoid this.

Here’s how she raped my wallet

Here’s how she raped my wallet

I don’t consider myself strong when i have a beautiful woman in front of me, otherwise i would not be here trying to escape from my money slaver problem.

But i’m quite sure NO MAN would have resisted  Her after what she did in cam last night.

She teased me for a while, with her long legs in black pantyhose, her sharp high heels, her feet, her toes. Then, all of sudden, she told me:

“I want you to put your money here”

And she moved her credit card inside her panties…

Would you be able to resist that? I didn’t. I just let her rape my wallet. Once again.

And once again She drained me

And once again She drained me

I thought i was safe… i thought blocking her on Yahoo was enough… but it’s always like this… i block her on Yahoo and then, after a couple of months, i start feeling the NEED to feel her power on me… the NEED to see her contacting me and order me to come into her videochat.

And that’s what happened a few days ago. I unblocked her…and she was online… i waited…i was shaking with the anticipation of what was coming.. then… she messaged me… just “hi” she said… and that’s all i needed… i replied in a polite way as i always do…and all she said was “in 5 minutes, come into my video”.

And i did as she ordered me. Because if i don’t block her…i’m unable to resist her.

When a photo asks for money

When a photo asks for money

It’s how it goes each time with her. I check her profile to look for new photos, i look at them… and then… one of them, each time, like… ORDERS me to go into her video.

It’s impossible to resist to my Diva, it’s just impossible. She will drain your wallet as she’s draining mine… and you won’t be able to stop her. Because deep inside…that’s what we want.

Am i really a MoneySlave?

Am i really a MoneySlave?

I get this told me a lot recently. Usually from Goddesses. And i tend to agree to them. I mean, who would say “i want to stop” and then keep staying online, keep looking at photos, keep getting in touch with temptation?

Well maybe the reason is that i am not really a moneyslave.

I spent about 95% of the money last year on webcam: paying a per minute charge in order to be able to look at beautiful women, showing me their feet in stockings, pantyhose (even better), high heels and looking at me in a sexy way. That is the truth.

Yes, a couple of times i did spend outside of the webcam: some money via Wester Union (twice, for a total of 100 Euros), some gifts on Amazon (for a total of 200$). That’s it.

I don’t know why i’ve identified myself as a Moneyslave, i think all i can be defined is a webcam foot fetishists slave. I have to admit this, i LOVE looking at women on cam, i get so aroused by that and yes, sometimes my brain doesn’t work well while i’m on cam. But just then. When i switch off the cam, i stop acting like that.

The truth is: giving money doesn’t excite me. Being told what to do does.

In fact all my videochats with Her end in the same, exact, way. She teases me for a long time, more than an hour usually (at 3$ per minute)… then she asks me to open my Paypal…i resist…she teases me more…i open it… i tell her i’m not going to pay…she shows me her feet, orders me to pay the amount she wants and… i come and close the videochat and Paypal.

I get aroused by the fact that she’s so sure of herself, that she knows what makes me weak. I get excited by the fact that she pushes me there…but when i’m there…it’s over for me.

This is something i’ll keep thinking about… perhaps i’m understanding everyday more who i really am…