That’s an obvious thing maybe, or maybe not. But everytime it happens to me, i do realise that, no matter what’s my mood or how things are going in my life, certain photos will ALWAYS make me weak and give me the need to visit the one that took them…
Yes it’s her, Sheena, that asked me to don’t post anything with her on this blog…but i suppose if i cover her face, it’s ok…
That’s what this “project” of mine had been till now: a total failure. I’ve started this year giving me the goal of spending a maximum of 1,000$ in the whole 2010… 5 months have passed and… i’ve spent nearly 6,000$. This time, last year, i had spent about 1,500$.
This is a total failure till now. And the Woman, the Goddess, the Mistress i have to “thank” for all this is her.. Sheena (or WildStorm for that matter). I’ve tried to escape, tried to block her on messenger, tried to do everything… but yet… each time i have some free (and private) time i find myself looking for her pictures, and always dream of her power…and get excited just by the idea of that…
I don’t know how i will find a way to stop my spending…and i probably won’t find a way… but i’ll keep trying… even if till now… i’ve been a total failure.
In fact i saw she has sort of a “fan club” where she puts lots and lots of photos and videos recorded during her live sessions.
I immediatly joined that fan club and i’m now trying to use those videos when i feel the total need to see her.
… could this be helpful? I don’t know, i’ll see what happens next time i see her logged on messenger…
I thought i was safe… i thought blocking her on Yahoo was enough… but it’s always like this… i block her on Yahoo and then, after a couple of months, i start feeling the NEED to feel her power on me… the NEED to see her contacting me and order me to come into her videochat.
And that’s what happened a few days ago. I unblocked her…and she was online… i waited…i was shaking with the anticipation of what was coming.. then… she messaged me… just “hi” she said… and that’s all i needed… i replied in a polite way as i always do…and all she said was “in 5 minutes, come into my video”.
And i did as she ordered me. Because if i don’t block her…i’m unable to resist her.
Sucker, stupid, loser. That’s what i am. I’ve promised to myself to go to bed at 1:00 am tonight… instead i didn’t, and 5 minutes later WildStorm (Sheena) contacted me on messenger:
WildStorm (Sheena): hi
me: hello Goddess
WildStorm (Sheena): come in my room
me: i shouldn’t…i want to resist the temptation.
WildStorm (Sheena): you should..but i have my nylons on
WildStorm (Sheena): and i want you in, dog
WildStorm (Sheena): someone needs to lick my heels
me: i want to be strong…but God…. the thought of you…and my wife is not even home…i feel…defenseless…
WildStorm (Sheena): see, u know where to go now
me: yes my Goddess, i do
And that was it. I went into her room and remained there for nearly one hour and a half, staring at her beautiful teasing. I ended up spending $254.80 (logged into the Status page) and i completely exploded when she asked me to pay her $500 via PayPal, which i didn’t. Because i went offline after literally exploding.
I’m a stupid. I’m weak. I am not going to be strong enough to do what i’ve promised myself. This had been a really bad, bad, bad night for me.