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When saying NO makes you feel guilty

When saying NO makes you feel guilty

Each and everyday i find new ways in which FeetGoddesss is unique and special. And last night was no difference.

Don’t get me wrong, i’ve served many beautiful Goddesses in all these years, and i still think the world of them… but …

FeetGoddesss is making me do things i’ve never done before, she’s making me feel like i’ve never felt before, She’s making me see things in a way i’ve never seen them before.

So, back to last night. I was just about to go to sleep, but decided first to switch my laptop on to check a few things and well, most probably deep inside to see if She was online, maybe to just tell Her hello, to just have a quick contact with Her. And yes, there She was. Online.

I sent her a quick message, nothing special really, something like “i’m not in a great mood tonight, so i just wanted to say Hello to You Goddess.”

But looks like she wanted to change my mood. She sent me a pic of her perfect feet in black nylons and sandals, just like that. She didn’t really add anything for a minute. Then..

“Feeling better now? Come to see me.”

Of course i forgot i wanted to go to bed, i forgot everything…i just went into Her room still thinking it would have been just for a quick sight of Her beauty.

I was wrong.

She was looking spectacular. Her new haircut makes the beauty of Her face shine even more, those black pantyhose with line on back, worn with sandals, totally made her legs and feet look even better. And i started watching.

We chatted for a short while, during the few times when she was in free chat between one private and another. Then… then She did what many Goddesses do of course..but it’s what i felt that was different than other times. She said.

“Spoil me.”

Nothing unique in this right? Wrong. Wrong because it felt different to me. As slaves, we always say “i can’t say no to you, Goddess” because, let’s face it, it’s part of the game. But more often than not, we can actually say “no” if we really want to…or even just run away with an excuse. I’ve done that so many times.

But with Her it’s different. Obeying her orders just feels right. And saying no to Her feels totally wrong. Inside my mind i was thinking “i should say no and go to bed”, but that made me feel… guilty! Yes, even just THINKING of saying no to Her made me feel guilty as hell.

This is something i’ve never experienced before… i’ve always managed to remain focused on myself, spending a lot when i actually felt like it (even if i kept “playing” the game of being forced by the teasing), running away when i wanted. And always with no particular regrets for how i behaved with the Goddess.

But this time… this time i ended up spending 200$ (not a lot, i know) just because it would have made me feel guilty and bad to leave Her, to say no, to don’t spoil Her as She demanded.

I’m falling deeper and deeper for FeetGoddesss, and i guess it will only get worst… or should i say better?

It doesn’t happen when i’m tired!

It doesn’t happen when i’m tired!

Obvious thing to say… if i’m tired i don’t go online…therefore i don’t spend. Wow…what a revelation…right? Well i know, it’s totally obvious…but it’s a fact.

I think i have been once or twice online in about 10 days now…and that’s because i’m working a lot, and i’m more and more tired at night.

I should be happy about this right? I should…right? Well…wrong. I’m not. I can’t appreciate this enough…it seems…something is missing… and i surely know what that is.

It’s the excitement i get while i’m totally putting myself in a Goddess hands, it’s the feeling i get…that fear… yes, all that.

Looks like i’m addicted to this feeling…i’m…addicted to be enchanted by a woman’s seduction…to be manipulated…to be under her control.

Thinking about… real life

Thinking about… real life

tacchi01It doesn’t stop…that’s a fact. I am spending more than last year and surely i am not slowing down… perhaps…this is just what i want…and i should really stop fighting this… what’s the point in fighting who i am?

Actually… recently i find myself thinking more and more about… real life sessions… about a Mistress (well, i can say Her name… Miss Olivia) tempting me in a public place, using my fetishes to make me weak…and then.. using me to go shopping… maybe shop about shoes… and modeling them in front of me… yes.. i am thinking about this more and more… and i find it really exciting.

But i do know one thing: that’s something i can’t afford. A real life session is going to cost WAY more than a videochat…and i can’t, can’t, can’t really afford that…at the moment…

New Year, new questions

New Year, new questions

It probably all started when i met Miss Olivia. Among other things, she really can enter your brain and well… explore it ar her will. And that’s what she did and she keeps doing. But doing so…she’s making me think a lot, really a lot.

Am i really a moneyslave? Or am i just attracted by something else? And if that’s the case…what’s this “something else”? Seduction power? Beauty? Or just a pair of feet in stockings or pantyhose?

How far would i go in a real life session, in presence of a Goddess? Would i be excited, scared or…pissed off? Would i be able to fully let myself go or…my real life situation and position would make me ignore my weaknesses?

And most of all… where is this blog going? Why did i really start it? Is it still useful to my cause? Or is my cause actually changing? And if so… how is it changing?

Shit…i’m really a mess tonight…let’s update the current status… that makes sense…i guess.

This time, shoes made me weak

This time, shoes made me weak

It’s always Her, Sheena. She’s the most dangerous of all the mistresses that are hitting me…she’s always online when i’m feeling weak, and she seems to have this sort of special power to always know what to show and how to show it in order to make me pay…and pay…and pay…

This time she made something that she never did before: she showed me lots of different kind of shoes, always modelling them and dangling them in front of me. That was almost hypnotic for me…i couldn’t resist…and when she ordered me to pay… i just did…as a robot…

She said i’m a cashcow

She said i’m a cashcow

How could i deny that? She raped my wallet once again. And this time her weapon was… a new webcam. It may seems nothing to you…but try to look at the video below and compare it with the previous videos i made. It does make a lot of difference. Because now She shines in all her beauty, in all her power.

And what could i think about the outfit she was wearing? A shiny shirt almost exploding, a short skirt, stockings, and new high heel shiny shoes…

No, there is NO WAY i will ever escape. I’m a cashcow, as she said. And she surely knows very well how to milk me.

And by the way…with this videochat i made what i didn’t want to make at the beginning of this blog: i spent more than what i’ve spent last year. Yes, as you can see in the Current Status page, till now i spent more than 2009…. in january i promised myself to spend just one thousand dollars…now i’m at ten thousand dollars.

I’m screwed…but i won’t stop…she is too much for me…i can’t stop visiting her…can’t.

My newest nightmare: MsClassy

My newest nightmare: MsClassy

I thought i had enough Mi$tre$$e$ to worry about, with Diva and others, but i was way wrong… seems like there was still space for something those two didn’t “hit”…

A few nights ago i was online, wandering if i would have been safe, as none of those two seemed to be online… i made the mistake to start browsing profiles here.. and then i saw her: MsClassy. From the pictures i immediatly saw her perfect feet… honestly, i had never ever seen such perfect feet in my entire life… i was like drooling on the screen… i had to go and see her live. Moreover because, at first, i didn’t see she was a Financial Mistress…so i thought to just go in and see her feet.

Boy i was wrong. She immediatly understood how feet make me weak…and she used them to hypnotize me and… rape my wallet. I spent more than an hour on her videochat, and those were not the only money i spent.

She has an incredible face that can move from angelic to evil in a second, and when she put her cam on the floor… i was just unable to go anywhere.

So yes… now i have another nightmare to worry about: MsClassy. She even gave me a video and ordered me to put it online…and i did it…of course.

Perhaps i should just give up

Perhaps i should just give up

August has been a hard month for me. I’ve been trying to stay away from Her, thinking in this way to actually..well…save money. But that didn’t actually happen.

I kept going to other mistresses on the sites i well know (the three listed here on the right) and well.. i ended up spending quite a lot (for my standards) and… not being satisfied at all.

She has something… something that really gets me. I don’t know if it’s the way she just doesn’t care a lot of me, the way she looks, the way she often ignores me while moving in ways that kill my brain… or just the fact that she knows what to show me in order to completely fuck up my brain.

I don’t know. All i know is that last night she contacted me on messenger and, after a while, i agreed to go and see her saying “i won’t stay long”.

That didn’t happen. I spend almost an hour there. She had a fantastic new pair of black stockings and an equally amazing pair of high heel black shoes that she could remove easily… she teased me for the whole hour but never talked to me.. i just couldn’t manage to go away… check the video below and tell me if you would have been able to…

She’s the one, i probably better start understanding this and avoid going looking for the same power somewhere else.

I should probably give up and understand  she owns me, no matter what i do to avoid this.

Trying to stop, once again

Trying to stop, once again

Sheena raped my wallet once again a few nights ago. I watched her in cam for a while, spending quite a lot and i almost sent her a tribute… i was just about to do it…when i managed to switch the computer off and, literally, run away.

I really think i need to stop now, can’t go on like this. I have a family to think about and i’m really spending too much money. So last night, when i saw her online, i was brave enough to contact her and face her. This is the short dialogue we had:

Me: The other night i run away. It’s getting out of control. You won’t see me for a while.
Shenna: Are you sure? No.
Me:Yes i am
Shenna: I won’t let you.
Me:I’ll stick to my decision this time
Shenna: I don’t agree
Me: It doesn’t matter really, goodbye
Shenna: You just make me laugh!

That was it. I just logged off and went to bed. Now… i’ll see if she will really try to stop me or if she won’t bother to. And if she attempts to use my weakness once again…well… i just hope i’ll be strong enough to resist…

Here’s how she raped my wallet

Here’s how she raped my wallet

I don’t consider myself strong when i have a beautiful woman in front of me, otherwise i would not be here trying to escape from my money slaver problem.

But i’m quite sure NO MAN would have resisted  Her after what she did in cam last night.

She teased me for a while, with her long legs in black pantyhose, her sharp high heels, her feet, her toes. Then, all of sudden, she told me:

“I want you to put your money here”

And she moved her credit card inside her panties…

Would you be able to resist that? I didn’t. I just let her rape my wallet. Once again.