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Tag: failure

Perhaps i should just give up

Perhaps i should just give up

August has been a hard month for me. I’ve been trying to stay away from Her, thinking in this way to actually..well…save money. But that didn’t actually happen.

I kept going to other mistresses on the sites i well know (the three listed here on the right) and well.. i ended up spending quite a lot (for my standards) and… not being satisfied at all.

She has something… something that really gets me. I don’t know if it’s the way she just doesn’t care a lot of me, the way she looks, the way she often ignores me while moving in ways that kill my brain… or just the fact that she knows what to show me in order to completely fuck up my brain.

I don’t know. All i know is that last night she contacted me on messenger and, after a while, i agreed to go and see her saying “i won’t stay long”.

That didn’t happen. I spend almost an hour there. She had a fantastic new pair of black stockings and an equally amazing pair of high heel black shoes that she could remove easily… she teased me for the whole hour but never talked to me.. i just couldn’t manage to go away… check the video below and tell me if you would have been able to…

She’s the one, i probably better start understanding this and avoid going looking for the same power somewhere else.

I should probably give up and understand  she owns me, no matter what i do to avoid this.

A total failure

A total failure

That’s what this “project” of mine had been till now: a total failure. I’ve started this year giving me the goal of spending a maximum of 1,000$ in the whole 2010… 5 months have passed and… i’ve spent nearly 6,000$. This time, last year, i had spent about 1,500$.

This is a total failure till now. And the Woman, the Goddess, the Mistress i have to “thank” for all this is her.. Sheena (or WildStorm for that matter). I’ve tried to escape, tried to block her on messenger, tried to do everything… but yet… each time i have some free (and private) time i find myself looking for her pictures, and always dream of her power…and get excited just by the idea of that…

I don’t know how i will find a way to stop my spending…and i probably won’t find a way… but i’ll keep trying… even if till now… i’ve been a total failure.

Who am i kidding?

Who am i kidding?

It’s not over. It was for just a few days…then… one night i logged in…and saw HER online…the one it all started with…the one that i will probably never be able to forget or resist. My one and only Diva was there…online… i went into her videochat… and… it all started again.

I didn’t post till now on this blog because i was too ashamed…but…what can i say… my fight is on again…although i totally failed my first goal. On the “Current Status” page i wrote down, at the beginning of this, that i wanted to spend a total of 1000$ this year…well go and check it… i’m 4 times over it… and i don’t seem to be able to stop… until One Great Diva will show up online…

I will keep posting from now on…

The more i run, the more i slow down

The more i run, the more i slow down

It’s getting difficult, everyday more difficult.

My initial idea was to make myself known into the moneyslavery community, so that whenever i would log a failure here, i would have felt even worst and, maybe, learn for the next time.

So i now find myself browsing Goddes twitter profiles, websites, blogs, youtube videos, facebook contacts.. to add them but…doing so… i also discover so many gorgeous Goddesses, so many women i could never ever resist to…and the worst thing is that i’m not feeling bad…i’m actually feeling like “let’s see what happens”…

This looks so bad…so bad…

I’m a loser: $254.80 spent tonight

I’m a loser: $254.80 spent tonight

Sucker, stupid, loser. That’s what i am. I’ve promised to myself to go to bed at 1:00 am tonight… instead i didn’t, and 5 minutes later WildStorm (Sheena) contacted me on messenger:

WildStorm (Sheena): hi
me: hello Goddess
WildStorm (Sheena): come in my room
me: i shouldn’t…i want to resist the temptation.
WildStorm (Sheena): you should..but i have my nylons on
WildStorm (Sheena): and i want you in, dog
WildStorm (Sheena): someone needs to lick my heels
me: i want to be strong…but God…. the thought of you…and my wife is not even home…i feel…defenseless…
WildStorm (Sheena): see, u know where to go now
me: yes my Goddess, i do

And that was it. I went into her room and remained there for nearly one hour and a half, staring at her beautiful teasing. I ended up spending $254.80 (logged into the Status page) and i completely exploded when she asked me to pay her $500 via PayPal, which i didn’t. Because i went offline after literally exploding.

I’m a stupid. I’m weak. I am not going to be strong enough to do what i’ve promised myself. This had been a really bad, bad, bad night for me.