failure
Trapped into Financial Domination
It’s getting worst. It’s nearly one year and a half since i started this blog, and after all this time i can clearly see that i’m getting deeper into Financial Domination. I’m trapped.
As of today, i spent more than any other of the previous years…and that’s not what i promised myself when i started this Finacial Domination blog. I was going to stop, i was going to resist, i was going to spend less.
Nothing of all that happened. My fault, of course, but also because of the power of the Financial Domme that was here before i started this blog and that’s here today as well: One Great Diva.
I won’t shut this blog off, and i will keep posting about my journey into Financial Domination and money slavery…but my hope to stop is getting weaker and weaker…
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Financial Domination: she brought me back
It seems it was silly for me to even think Financial Domination could have been over… She brought me back into it with a…”virtual slap” i could say.
One Great Diva caught me online the other night… at first i was acting strong, well i was actually sure to be strong enough..but her attitude, her beauty, her power…made me fall all over again into Financial Domination.
She got 300$ in half an hour…and more via tributes… it’s like nothing has changed since she first made me a money slave, more than one year ago. I was so sure to be over it, to be able to control it…and then…here i am… made a money slave again by the one that brought me into Financial Domination at first: One Great Diva.
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Miss Olivia: should i really run away?
One year has passed since i’ve started this blog. As the name suggests, i was and still am (i think) trying to run away from my financial slavery addiction: too much money spent, too much risk to spend even more. I had to stop.
But after a year of failure, as i ended up spending even more, i think i met the one Mistress that really made me think, for the first time, if this decision to run away is what i really want.
Could it be that i just want to…take a break? Let this bad financial moment in my life pass, and then start again as before? Why should i deny what i am? Why should i deny what really excites me?
I met Miss Olivia online a few days ago, one of those nights when my need to be dominated is higher than my desire to run away from that. Of course she immediatly shocked my for her bauty, but what really made me think a lot in the following days is how that videochat went.
We had a long, interesting, facinating, surprising conversation. It was like she could read my mind, my emotions, my thoughts as no one before. At one point she asked me “Are you sure you want to run away?”. I didn’t answer to that question, i didn’t have an answer. At least not a complete honest answer. And i still don’t.
Her intelligence is beyond anything you can imagine to meet, especially online in a videochat. You can feel how her mind is superior than yours, and one thing that you notice immediatly is that it’s not easy to be accepted as her slave.
She doesn’t take anyone. First she wants to understand the way you are, what you are really looking for, what are your desires. And after that…she is the one deciding if you are worth her attention or not. In my case… all we did was talk, even in a nice way…but at the end of that chat… i just couldn’t stop thinking about her. More than any other Mistress i met before. She is into my brain, and there is no way i can let her go now. And i believe this is because she KNOWS i could be really and deeply submitted only by words, only by a beautiful woman that would use words in a perfect way.
So i’m here today asking myself: how can i run away from Miss Oliva? Is that what i really want? Will i be able to stay away from her for long?
It has been a long year, mostly spent (literally) with the three Mistresses that brought me into all this mess (Diva, Sheena and MsClassy)…but now that a new year starts…it seems that another one, Miss Olivia, will put a stop on all my intentions to run away.
I am confused tonight…especially because i am writing these things and i don’t feel, inside my brain, the usual voice saying “this is wrong, you need to run away”. The only voice i hear into my brain is Miss Olivia’s, and she’s saying:
Are you sure you want to run away from me?
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She said i am a cashcow
How could i deny that? Sheena raped my wallet once again. And this time her weapon was… a new webcam. It may seems nothing to you…but try to look at the video below and compare it with the previous videos i made. It does make a lot of difference. Because now She shines in all her beauty, in all her power.
And what could i think about the outfit she was wearing? A shiny shirt almost exploding, a short skirt, stockings, and new high heel shiny shoes…
No, there is NO WAY i will ever escape. I’m a cashcow, as she said. And she surely knows very well how to milk me.
And by the way…with this videochat i made what i didn’t want to make at the beginning of this blog: i spent more than what i’ve spent last year. Yes, as you can see in the Current Status page, till now i spent more than 2009…. in january i promised myself to spend just one thousand dollars…now i’m at ten thousand dollars.
I’m screwed…but i won’t stop…she is too much for me…i can’t stop visiting her…can’t.
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Total failure
Ok, it’s not going well at all. I’ve started this blog hoping that i would have been able to win this fight, hoping that i would have been able to resist the temptation…
Well it seems i can’t. I’ve already spent 8 thousand dollars so far this year, and it doesn’t look that i’m going to stop.
The thing is… these women know how to make me weak. They know it well and they do it also because…they probably know better than me that this is what i really want.
It’s exciting to let their beauty and teasing take advantage of me… it’s exciting and dangerous.
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Perhaps i should just give up
August has been a hard month for me. I’ve been trying to stay away from Sheena, thinking in this way to actually..well…save money. But that didn’t actually happen.
I kept going to other mistresses on the sites i well know (the three listed here on the right) and well.. i ended up spending quite a lot (for my standards) and… not being satisfied at all.
Sheena has something… something that really gets me. I don’t know if it’s the way she just doesn’t care a lot of me, the way she looks, the way she often ignores me while moving in ways that kill my brain… or just the fact that she knows what to show me in order to completely fuck up my brain.
I don’t know. All i know is that last night she contacted me on messenger and, after a while, i agreed to go and see her saying “i won’t stay long”.
That didn’t happen. I spend almost an hour there. She had a fantastic new pair of black stockings and an equally amazing pair of high heel black shoes that she could remove easily… she teased me for the whole hour but never talked to me.. i just couldn’t manage to go away… check the video below and tell me if you would have been able to…
She’s the one, i probably better start understanding this and avoid going looking for the same power somewhere else.
I should probably give up and understand she owns me, not matter what i do to avoid this.
A total failure
That’s what this “project” of mine had been till now: a total failure. I’ve started this year giving me the goal of spending a maximum of 1,000$ in the whole 2010… 5 months have passed and… i’ve spent nearly 6,000$. This time, last year, i had spent about 1,500$.
This is a total failure till now. And the Woman, the Goddess, the Mistress i have to “thank” for all this is her.. Sheena (or WildStorm for that matter). I’ve tried to 
escape, tried to block her on messenger, tried to do everything… but yet… each time i have some free (and private) time i find myself looking for her pictures, and always dream of her power…and get excited just by the idea of that…
I don’t know how i will find a way to stop my spending…and i probably won’t find a way… but i’ll keep trying… even if till now… i’ve been a total failure.
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