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I need a break from Her

I need a break from Her

The other night She literally destroyed me. One Great Diva came online dressed to kill ME and no one else…no matter what She says, i know that’s what She wanted.

She had white stockings on, peep toe high heel shoes…and that look and attitude… i ended up spending a fortune, feeling raped…excited… exausted…all together.

After that She ordered me to create a video about that session, knowing that i recorded it…and that’s what i did.

But i need a break from Her, i really really really do. I think i will beg her to let me go somewhere else for a while… i’m feeling really, really, really exausted by her power. Each time i see her it’s like i feel the NEED to spoil her, to let her do to me anything She wants… i truly hope She will agree, i’m sure i won’t spend as much if i visit other Mistresses…and that will help me recovering a bit.

Financial Domination is a nightmare that i don’t think i can escape from…but at least i can try to reduce the amount of money i spend…if and only if One Great Diva will let me see someone else…

Financial Domination is here to stay

Financial Domination is here to stay

This had been my worst year so far. I’ve been updating my status page and i just noticed it. My Financial Domination fetish isn’t over at all…it’s actually getting stronger and more expensive.

What to do?

I don’t really have an answer to this question…all i know is that at the moment my mind is only focused on One Great Diva’s feet, on her legs, on her eyes… nothing else counts at the moment…nothing else.

Thinking about… real life

Thinking about… real life

tacchi01It doesn’t stop…that’s a fact. I am spending more than last year and surely i am not slowing down… perhaps…this is just what i want…and i should really stop fighting this… what’s the point in fighting who i am?

Actually… recently i find myself thinking more and more about… real life sessions… about a Mistress (well, i can say Her name… Miss Olivia) tempting me in a public place, using my fetishes to make me weak…and then.. using me to go shopping… maybe shop about shoes… and modeling them in front of me… yes.. i am thinking about this more and more… and i find it really exciting.

But i do know one thing: that’s something i can’t afford. A real life session is going to cost WAY more than a videochat…and i can’t, can’t, can’t really afford that…at the moment…

She’s different

She’s different

Ok i admit. Till now i didn’t have one Mistress only, but more like a few favourite Mistresses (the three here on the right). But if i was in the “mood” and noone of them was around, i used to simply browse and look for some other potential Mistress, just to fill my need to be a bit dominated.

Tonight i am in the mood. But none of them is online and, most important, Miss Olivia is not online.

Yes i admit, i can’t even imagine going to someone else. I know it wouldn’t be the same, i know i wouldn’t enjoy it as much, i know another Mistress could never be compared to her.

So i’m here, thinking about her…and she’s not online.

This is a sad night.

Miss Olivia: should i really run away?

Miss Olivia: should i really run away?

One year has passed since i’ve started this blog. As the name suggests, i was and still am (i think) trying to run away from my financial slavery addiction: too much money spent, too much risk to spend even more. I had to stop.

But after a year of failure, as i ended up spending even more, i think i met the one Mistress that really made me think, for the first time, if this decision to run away is what i really want.

Could it be that i just want to…take a break? Let this bad financial moment in my life pass, and then start again as before? Why should i deny what i am? Why should i deny what really excites me?

I met Miss Olivia online a few days ago, one of those nights when my need to be dominated is higher than my desire to run away from that. Of course she immediatly shocked my for her bauty, but what really made me think a lot in the following days is how that videochat went.

We had a long, interesting, facinating, surprising conversation. It was like she could read my mind, my emotions, my thoughts as no one before. At one point she asked me “Are you sure you want to run away?”. I didn’t answer to that question, i didn’t have an answer. At least not a complete honest answer. And i still don’t.

Her intelligence is beyond anything you can imagine to meet, especially online in a videochat. You can feel how her mind is superior than yours, and one thing that you notice immediatly is that it’s not easy to be accepted as her slave.

She doesn’t take anyone. First she wants to understand the way you are, what you are really looking for, what are your desires. And after that…she is the one deciding if you are worth her attention or not. In my case… all we did was talk, even in a nice way…but at the end of that chat… i just couldn’t stop thinking about her. More than any other Mistress i met before. She is into my brain, and there is no way i can let her go now. And i believe this is because she KNOWS i could be really and deeply submitted only by words, only by a beautiful woman that would use words in a perfect way.

So i’m here today asking myself: how can i run away from Miss Oliva? Is that what i really want? Will i be able to stay away from her for long?

It has been a long year, mostly spent (literally) with the three Mistresses that brought me into all this mess (OneGreatDiva and MsClassy)…but now that a new year starts…it seems that another one, Miss Olivia, will put a stop on all my intentions to run away.

I am confused tonight…especially because i am writing these things and i don’t feel, inside my brain, the usual voice saying “this is wrong, you need to run away”. The only voice i hear into my brain is Miss Olivia’s, and she’s saying:

Are you sure you want to run away from me?

Dreaming of Her…

Dreaming of Her…

I had a horrible day today…and tomorrow at work it will be even worst… so i’m just sitting here, in front of the computer, feeling sort of sad…depressed…

And the weird thing is that… deep inside…i know that only her power would make me feel better…only letting her dominate me with her beauty would make me feel good again… and i do need that… but…she’s not around…and that makes me feel even worst….

As days pass by…i realise that i won’t be able to do what i’ve promised myself starting this blog: i won’t stop serving Her and the other Mistresses…because this is who i am, this is where i find pleasure…

Perhaps i should just give up

Perhaps i should just give up

August has been a hard month for me. I’ve been trying to stay away from Her, thinking in this way to actually..well…save money. But that didn’t actually happen.

I kept going to other mistresses on the sites i well know (the three listed here on the right) and well.. i ended up spending quite a lot (for my standards) and… not being satisfied at all.

She has something… something that really gets me. I don’t know if it’s the way she just doesn’t care a lot of me, the way she looks, the way she often ignores me while moving in ways that kill my brain… or just the fact that she knows what to show me in order to completely fuck up my brain.

I don’t know. All i know is that last night she contacted me on messenger and, after a while, i agreed to go and see her saying “i won’t stay long”.

That didn’t happen. I spend almost an hour there. She had a fantastic new pair of black stockings and an equally amazing pair of high heel black shoes that she could remove easily… she teased me for the whole hour but never talked to me.. i just couldn’t manage to go away… check the video below and tell me if you would have been able to…

She’s the one, i probably better start understanding this and avoid going looking for the same power somewhere else.

I should probably give up and understand  she owns me, no matter what i do to avoid this.