Diary
Perhaps i should just give up
August has been a hard month for me. I’ve been trying to stay away from Sheena, thinking in this way to actually..well…save money. But that didn’t actually happen.
I kept going to other mistresses on the sites i well know (the three listed here on the right) and well.. i ended up spending quite a lot (for my standards) and… not being satisfied at all.
Sheena has something… something that really gets me. I don’t know if it’s the way she just doesn’t care a lot of me, the way she looks, the way she often ignores me while moving in ways that kill my brain… or just the fact that she knows what to show me in order to completely fuck up my brain.
I don’t know. All i know is that last night she contacted me on messenger and, after a while, i agreed to go and see her saying “i won’t stay long”.
That didn’t happen. I spend almost an hour there. She had a fantastic new pair of black stockings and an equally amazing pair of high heel black shoes that she could remove easily… she teased me for the whole hour but never talked to me.. i just couldn’t manage to go away… check the video below and tell me if you would have been able to…
She’s the one, i probably better start understanding this and avoid going looking for the same power somewhere else.
I should probably give up and understand she owns me, not matter what i do to avoid this.
Trying to stop, once again
Sheena raped my wallet once again a few nights ago. I watched her in cam for a while, spending quite a lot and i almost sent her a tribute… i was just about to do it…when i managed to switch the computer off and, literally, run away.
I really think i need to stop now, can’t go on like this. I have a family to think about and i’m really spending too much money. So last night, when i saw her online, i was brave enough to contact her and face her. This is the short dialogue we had:
Me: The other night i run away. It’s getting out of control. You won’t see me for a while.
Shenna: Are you sure? No.
Me:Yes i am
Shenna: I won’t let you.
Me:I’ll stick to my decision this time
Shenna: I don’t agree
Me: It doesn’t matter really, goodbye
Shenna: You just make me laugh!
That was it. I just logged off and went to bed. Now… i’ll see if she will really try to stop me or if she won’t bother to. And if she attempts to use my weakness once again…well… i just hope i’ll be strong enough to resist…
A thought about being a slave
There are lots of Mistresses that contact me pretending to be served, acting as they already own me. And when i don’t react as a slave with them, they immediately define me as “fake”. Let me just say that this is totally ridiculous.
I’m a slave when a Mistress hits my “weak” points, not just because she calls herself a Mistress.
There are two special Mistresses that made me the moneyslave i am… because they hit my weak points, every time i see them, in a totally natural way. Because they are the Mistresses I’m meant to serve… unless i finally succeed in stopping this money slavery problem of mine…
Let’s face it: i’m addicted to slavery
Why should i keep denying this?
My problem it’s not having gorgeous and powerful women (like Sheena and Diva) using my fetishes to control and ruin me… my problem is that i’m addicted to slavery.
Whenever i’m online and i don’t see any of the two Queens that are ruining me….i just go and look for other Queens (in the places i’ve actually listed here on the right), in the hope to find someone else as powerful and gorgeous as they are.
Usually i don’t find anyone as great as them (actually i never did, otherwise you would hear about it in this blog), but still…i keep spending money looking for…someone else who can rape my wallet as well as they do.
I’m addicted to slavery, let’s face it.
She won…once again
Trying to resist her is starting to look pointless… once again i couldn’t take it anymore… i had to go back at her feet, i had to feel her power on me.
Almost a month ago i decided to block her on my messenger… but slowly, day after day, i felt the need to feel her power again…so i unblocked her… and she won again. She said “tonight i want you in my video”. Nothing else. I answered “no i won’t” but she didn’t even look at my answer, she knows her power…
And in fact, last night i waited 2 hours to see her coming online…and when she did i waited till she ordered me to go into her room… and that’s what i did.
This time she raped my wallet by 120$… but i know it’s not enough… because i will never win against her…she has me on her fingertips… because she knows how to drive me crazy in her videochat…as she did last night…
The sitting duck
Why do i always find myself doing this “sitting duck” sort of game?
I know everytime she contacts me, i can’t resist her… so when i see she’s online on messenger, i log in and stay there…not contacting her and telling myself “i’ll go in 20 minutes”.
Inside myself i know the excitement i get to be “on the edge”…but i also know i NEED to avoid her, to protect myself against her…
But yet… i play like a sitting duck…all the time…
Women are meant to be worshipped
I’ve always thought this of course… but sometimes things get to your mind stronger than other times. And tonight is one of those times.
As everytime i have some privacy (meaning, my wife is asleep), i’m browsing through picture galleries of all these wonderful women online. Sometimes i see a shoe dangling for the top of a toe, other times just a pair of beautiful legs crossed while dressed in a formal way… but all these photos have one thing in common: women are Goddesses. They are here to be worshipped and served.
My fight against my moneyslavery doesn’t have anything to do with this. I’m just trying to save money and avoid getting completely raped by one of those Goddesses. But even if i’m trying to protect myself, that doesn’t change the fact that women are Goddesses.
Every man should worship a Goddess (or more than one), because that’s what we were born for.
22 days since she last raped my wallet
It has been 22 days since the last time she raped my wallet… this is the way my fight should go…but how long will i be able to resist? I’m already feeling the desire to be under her power, the “need” to be drained by her teasing, the “need” to admire her incredible beauty and power, the “need” to see her using my foot fetish to control my brain…
A total failure
That’s what this “project” of mine had been till now: a total failure. I’ve started this year giving me the goal of spending a maximum of 1,000$ in the whole 2010… 5 months have passed and… i’ve spent nearly 6,000$. This time, last year, i had spent about 1,500$.
This is a total failure till now. And the Woman, the Goddess, the Mistress i have to “thank” for all this is her.. Sheena (or WildStorm for that matter). I’ve tried to 
escape, tried to block her on messenger, tried to do everything… but yet… each time i have some free (and private) time i find myself looking for her pictures, and always dream of her power…and get excited just by the idea of that…
I don’t know how i will find a way to stop my spending…and i probably won’t find a way… but i’ll keep trying… even if till now… i’ve been a total failure.
Who am i kidding?
It’s not over. It was for just a few days…then… one night i logged in…and saw HER online…the one it all started with…the one that i will probably never be able to forget or resist. My one and only Diva was there…online… i went into her videochat… and… it all started again.
I didn’t post till now on this blog because i was too ashamed…but…what can i say… my fight is on again…although i totally failed my first goal. On the “Current Status” page i wrote down, at the beginning of this, that i wanted to spend a total of 1000$ this year…well go and check it… i’m 4 times over it… and i don’t seem to be able to stop… unless until One Great Diva will show up online…
I will keep posting from now on…
The Most Dangerou$
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