Back..and confused

Yes tonight i came back online and ended up visiting a Mistress on videochat. Now i’m confused. I don’t even know what i’m writing about… all i know is that in the last 40 minutes i went from being happy, to sand, to angry to..confused as i am.

Spent a lot? no. Felt Her power? Yes.

But anyway…is it so difficult to understand that i’m not exclusive? I’m a slave that lives on emotions, because they are the reason i spend… and emotions can come from different Mistresses… is it that difficult to understand? Why someone would be mad about it? And why this should cause me problems?

I don’t know. I am just confused…only thing i know for sure is that danger excites me, especially if it’s a beautiful and intelligent danger.

That’s all for tonight… probably no one will understand what i wrote…but in the end…a blog is personal….and even this one is personal. I write about what i feel, about whom i feel… and no one should even dream of telling me what to write or should try to influence my life because of what i write here.

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Tags: confession, confused, control, Diary of a Money Slave, exclusive, personal

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011 Diary of a Money Slave

1 Comment to Back..and confused

I understand. Sometimes my real life Mistress gets annoyed by the questions I ask. Questions that steer toward me doing dangerous/bad things or suffering for her. She only likes this to a certain extent. Sometimes I want to go beyond that.
For instance when I started smoking for my Mistress and paying for each cigarette. Her aim would be to get me hooked so that I would have to keep paying her. This aroused me immensely and at first it was fun for her. But then when it got easy for her to tempt me to smoke, it wasn’t as much fun for her anymore. And she only became frustrated about what I would be doing to my health for something that she didn’t even enjoy. I noticed this, then asked her about it, then stopped smoking.
I love to be made to do ‘bad’ things. But I can not truly enjoy it if the Mistress doesn’t enjoy it.

I do recognize the part about danger that you spoke of. In other ways as well. For instance I have jerked off semi-publicly and I have stolen money from relatives. I also get a rush out of being ‘claimed’ or forced to choose: such as when I’m supposed to meet with friends and then I’m talking to my Mistress and I mention this, I love when she says: “No, perhaps in half an hour, they can wait.”
The principle with the aspect of danger is the same: the little voice that says “don’t” yet I do…